Reminds me of Archer in Scum
“I’m finding myself strongly drawn to Mecca…”
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Should perhaps start a new thread for this, but any tips for writing effective cover letters?
7th wedding anniversary today 
14 years together, almost 20 since we first met.
Sunday morning I was fishing around in my 4 year olds shit to unblock the toilet, because my 6 year old had knocked the plastic holder for the toilet block into the toilet and not told anyone. Of course he was dancing around desperate for shit at that point.
My wife did ask what we would have done 20 years ago if we’d had a vision of this future. We decided that we would have probably decided it was “cute” and ploughed on regardless (so to speak).
Life choices 
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Your cover letter should contain the basic top and tailing but is really a distillation of why you want the role, highlighting your most relevant accomplishments and experience. Your main task is to directly address the requirements stated in the printed job description advert.
Keep it relatively concise and snappy whilst telling the interviewer what makes you stand out from the rest.
If you want I can proof read and/or make suggestions for a specific one you may have in mind.
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Don’t try and write one when you are up to your elbows in shit.
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I think I did send you something like this a while back - did it get lost in the apocalypse?
You sent me a lot of helpful tips for my CV!
Ah okay. @browellm has covered most of it above.
All I’d add is that if you imagine that the reader is not going to pore over your Cv, or in fact not read any of it, your cover letter should spell out and leave no doubt why they should talk to you. If they can make a very quick and easy link between employing you and getting the job done then you’re on the right track.
Also avoid any tired management/ CV clichés that might turn them off. You may get away with talking like a cunt on here but it won’t wash in your cover letter 
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These don’t tend to come naturally to me anyway but with cover letters I get a bit stuck on the start and the end… what’s a non-wanky way to kick off and end a cover letter? I get stuck on stuff like “I am writing in hope that you will consider me for the position of…” which reads a bit unnatural
Thanks, appreciate it.
Open with -
“Darling fascist bully-boy, give me the job you bastard”
And close with -
“Boomshanka, may the seed of your love blossom in the belly of your woman”
(You’ll need to be of certain age and dubious taste to recognise the reference).
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Young Ones?
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Too verbose. Get to the point: “I am writing in respect of the position of X. I am a fully qualified Y with Z years’ experience at blah - my CV is enclosed/attached.” This says immediately what you are interested in, and that you are suitably qualified.
Then go onto the softer stuff about why you want the job, and why they want you for it. I would normally aim for 2-3 sentences for each, or a single paragraph if they can be covered together. Make sure it’s customised to them, but with no waffle about leveraging synergies between your experience and their requirements.
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lol…
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‘I don’t wear a cape’
fail
It’s called “cornering the market” 
Tomater, tomato 
A few years back I took a bit of a risk with a promotion I knew I wasn’t being considered for, so I knew I needed to grab their attention to get an interview and then back it up from there.
So I said something along the lines of “I’m far more qualified, experienced and with a better track record than all the other candidates… I can tell you exactly what I’d do to be successful in this role, unlike the other beige dullards that will think they can have this job based on time served and then sit there and do nothing for the next 10 years…” etc. I can’t remember the exact words but it was as blunt as that.
So that got their attention, made them curious and they offered me an interview which I’d have stood no chance of getting with a traditional application.
I went in with a very bold plan, but one that was well thought through, made them laugh about my application and to everyone’s surprise I got the job.
That was the turning point in my career up to that point - I got fast tracked into the BMW Exec/ Engineer programme, became one of if not the youngest guy in the UK & Germany at that corporate grade and never looked back.
I had nothing to lose so took a gamble.
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