Anyways, if your keks were any longer, the horsefly population of Lincs would be depleted by malnutrition…
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One, is the precise number that you can Do, sir!
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All teasing about your shorts aside, I think you should be congratulated for the complete absence of varicose veins disfiguring the milky whiteness of your pins. In bright sunlight I suspect they would challenge @crimsondonkey’s legs as glare producers.
Also, there appears to be little evidence of those chalfonts hanging out of the leg of your shorts. I’m impressed that you got that little issue cleared up so completely, or have you installed some ‘grape-netting’ to give 'em some support?
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His gnaw to cute ratio is spot on. Leanne wants him.
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My legs are lastingly immune to the Sun’s caress and never vary from a sort of cadaver light blue. Upside being, they never burn either, due to their fleshly albedo.
And the secret is recycled onion bags - the 25Kg size is a perfect fit. 
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Northumbria you say? In September?
Let that be the very last time you both sneak up here without saying a ‘Hello’.
If you’re up here again please give us a shout and I will be happy for you to buy me a pint.
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Yes, a dreadful oversight, not to be repeated 
Paint me like one of your French poodles…
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That is Weapons Grade cute right there.
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Barnaby has been a little tyke today, his grey cells of what few he has have been firing on all cylinders. So I thought time for a man to dog talk.
Firstly I explained that his father was only a punter with no moral regard or otherwise for his mother, he was only after one thing. That his mother was a prostitute forced and apparently enjoying her lifestyle by her owners aka the pimps. That the pimps couldn’t wait to traffic him on and that his mother hasn’t missed him one bit since his departure from the family home, and how lucky he was to have found such caring people to love and cuddle him, feed him and walk him.
Did he look bothered, DHF.
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Gotta love a dog who doesn’t give a fuck. And then looks at you, head tilted to one side, and you forget everything that just happened.
Not GAF - multitasking version:
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That’s a special skill for huskies - they’re known for it… (same on walks etc, little shitbags!)
That would be a cat then 
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We went dog sledding in Canada… “GOOD JOB POKER!” was the cry from the musher, when the right hindmost dog shat on the run and peppered us with dogshit.
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Ruby has been especially, erm, fragrant for the last couple of days. Saw her scooting on the patio earlier and she’s licking her arsehole a lot, but she still stinks of fish… So anal glands need emptying…
I really hope she manages it herself by tomorrow, or that lovely job will fall to me. Joy.
Barley (see post 469) is a celebrity down the local. He and Basil go in every night while I have 2 pints early doors. Treats are supplied from behind the bar. When I am half way down the second pint he starts to whine, then bark, quietly at first and then up to a full WOOF if I don’t hurry up.
If I have a third, he barks loudly until he gets a mild bollocking and then goes and sulks in the corner until we leave.
Basil meanwhile continues to love everyone and every dog who comes in.
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