Here that’s known as “Mighty Sumo pan-filler with Mount Fuji rising above the waves.”
I really should take the camera to the bathroom more often…
I have a thing for some of the old military, particularly naval, phrases. many we now use variations of without knowing their origin, ie
“Freeze the balls off a brass monkey”
Which has nothing to do with balls dropping off anything but but likely a variation of a 17th C “freeze the balls of a brass monkey” . A brass monkey being slang for canon and its cannonballs being iron. When the two got cold the differential rates of shrinkage left the canon inoperable. It had to be very cold for this to happen, obvs.
You u know you’re retired when you like/quote Susie Dent, or it’s just an excuse to perve at Rachel Riley… 
I quite liked this one:
Dumfungled and depooperit: two very old adjectives meaning used up, worn out, and in a state of near-imbecility - i.e. totally ready for a long weekend.
No one needs and excuse 
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an
an you r korrekt, as uzooual
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Ov corse 
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I have meditated deeply on Rachel and Suzie, My conclusion, drawn from a higher plane, is that Suzie has the potential to be magnificently perverse.
She seemed quite happy to enact my cat squaw fantasy in the mind garden
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Curious, I’ve arrived at the opposite conclusion - her oft-evinced squeamishness suggests she’d be akin to squiring a plank of wood with a conveniently-located knothole in the beast-with-two-or-more-backs stakes…
Oddly, this means exactly what it says.
Your context is right, but one key detail is different; the monkey was the square frame, laid on the deck within reach of each gun crew, that kept their ready-use cannon balls from rolling away when the ship moved.
When the weather was cold enough, a brass monkey would contract more than the iron balls it retained, eventually reaching the point where the balls would fall over the side of the monkey - hence the phrase.
No primates were harmed etc…
Another good maritime one is the cock-up, which is a variation on ‘all cocked-up’
This has nothing to do with the male anatomy, instead referring to a square-rigged ship which is not being properly maintained, so its yards, which should be horizontal and perpendicular to the masts, are not properly secured and are hanging at all angles - ‘all cocked up’
I agree Suzy is awkward and conflicted. She likes the lime light but is shy. She knows more filthy words than most but blushes at the knowledge. The mind is the largest sexual organ, as such creating a safe place for Suzy to dump her inhibitions and act out from her ‘shadow’ has been unspeakably wonderful. Rachel on the other hand showers too often, spends to long in vanity and does not understand the wonders of ‘Le Growler’.
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Behold The Vorder Man, dressed for a charity dinner…
My eyes haz the sad
Your orbital despair is tangible
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banged far worse, but the desperation for attention is certainly sad…
Obviously her cabling requirements are left wanting… Go on, be a hero.
She needs nothing more than a calming Horlicks and a visit to Marks and Spencers for some dignified frocks
I was thinking more like “Two from the top, and four from anywhere else”