I’ve just put 10 tracks of Joy Division, Bauhaus and Sisters of Mercy on the pub jukebox to liven the mood a bit.
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You missed the part where we have to tolerate the company of people we hate for days on end - to scivvy-around after the ungrateful air-thieving shitsacs - to have to feed them excellent things that we won’t have time to taste ourselves, watch them drinking our best booze (which you can guarantee the cunts will zero straight the fuck in on to the exclusion of the dross purchased on their behalf…), to have to be polite and civil to these cunts rather than stabbing them in the face repeatedly until they stop twitching like any right-thinking person normally would, to have to pretend to be grateful for whatever foetid crap they may bring with them…
Alcohol can barely begin to numb the pain…
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Add valium and it will all pass by in a nice gentle haze 
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FFS hide the decent grog 
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The entire in-law clan, in a West Wales cliff top hotel, for THREE nights.
It will be like The Shining.
I have packed some 30mg codeine.
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Have you also packed some syrup of figs? 
Alcohol and sprouts will be an able substitute.
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Sound advice, but these feral, rat/roach hybrids can sniff it out from many miles away…
I ply such guests with plenty of the cheap port and move the nice stuff to the campervan in the garage.
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I managed to steer a pissed friend from the Portobello gin to the Sainsbury Savers in a master stroke last night. And from the fever tree to the Schweppes, as the coup de gras
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U ok hun?
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Enough to cook some Krocodil? 
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Adendum,
Hell is not other people - Hell is other people you are obliged to.
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Their doin me ed in babe!!!
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If you dislike them so much, why invite them round? Purely cos they are family? Crazy. We got asked to my brother in law’s for boxing day. Two sentences and the conversation would have dried up, and the rest of the day would have been horrendous. So I said no, and luckily swmbo agreed with me.
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we made it clear from the start that we are totally anti social. Tomorrow we take a leisurely drive down to the coast and we’ll lock ourselves away in our hotel until the 27th December, when we’ll emerge on for my Dads 80th birthday dinner.
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Not always a matter of choice. Plus, curmudgeonly misanthropy is my default state in even the most auspicious circumstances. There is a certain dark joy in spreading the misery amongst others, too…
One of very few reasons I’m here TBH.
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Narelle and I have already pulled up the drawbridge. With the exception of a couple of hours at the pub tomorrow evening, we will not surface from the cottage until Boxing Day.
This way we don’t have to put up with bullshit, bad music (mine excepted), dietary considerations, TV fights, bad wine, complaints or dull conversation.
It will be a self indulgent booze and food fest without interference.
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