I had an NSE (near shart experience) whilst I was away…
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That would be a fart then.
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Or a shit.
That is a step beyond a shart
Not if taken in isolation.
Not on the cider chart of shart.
Fake fart
Dry fart
Wet fart
Viscous fart
Shart
Shit
Oh shit!
The shit stage is one step past the shart stage.
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In that context you’ll get no argument from me.
An NSE is between a viscous fart and a shart - it’s a mental thing; when you’re convinced you’ve followed through, but when you check, you actually haven’t 
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Ah a bit like the phantom turd
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BBQ’d rump steak with warm new spud salad (olive oil & mint) and Chinese cabbage based coleslaw.
Homemade salmon and ginger burgers…
slow roast pork belly with fennel… mash pots, runner beans, homemade apple and ginger chutney.
BBQ’d lamb shoulder steaks with various salady bits. Eaten in the sunshine. Today was a good day.
Wife has randomly decided to make cupcakes at 9.30pm. So I’ll be having cupcakes soon
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Microwaved Asda pork and chorizo sausage rolls. With a big squirt of ketchup.
They are very, very shit. Avoid.
TBF, any pastry based product put through a microwave will be shit. Heating in the oven may have given better results.
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No, not in this case. I expected the soft pastry, but the filling is the really gopping bit.
Oh dear 
Walnut bread, butter, marmalade and some extra mature cheddar with an orange juice. I know how to live the high life.
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