People sort your life out, spending shit loads on pointless shoes is a womans thing. You’ll be telling us next you have a man bag collection to match the shoes. 
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Tuffbob in casual misogyny shocker 
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How many man bags do you have then? 
I need a man bag. Ideally one that’s big enough to fit my lunch in for work plus other usual stuff. Must not be a rucksack, still looking.
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Casual
Weekend bag
Tips:
https://www.mrporter.com/journal/a-gentlemans-guide/the-new-rules-of-bags/475
Suit plus rucksack look - ugh how common 
Particularly like the white jeans, wax jacket, flat cap, driving gloves, vintage case look!!
I’m gutted to be off trend - White trousers do not fair well with Vintage dealer scumbags. Cadmium / grease and L’eau de dead folk is cramping my steez.
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I’m old school,I use my pockets
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I have the very latest in ultra-lightweight thin-membrane technology - astoundingly strong for its weight, fully waterproof too - it’s the last word in post-ironic faux-working class retro cool with its cheeky anti ecological-hegemony message of outsider chic - available in on-trend distressed finish from our exclusive Male Portage Boutique, and yours for a mere £120.
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Too cheap, it can’t be any good.
Can’t you get, sorry, source one made of chinchilla scrota?
For the more annoying wank… um… discerning customer, perhaps sir would care to select something from our “Fuck Africa” range of ethnically sourced natural fibre high-end totes - made from only the finest rare tropical hardwoods and pulped by malnourished children in ecologically-ruinous greenfield factories and authentically pre-soiled by big-eyed tribesfolk getting their very first taste of bowel cancer and heart disease. These designer creations are then lovingly flown thousands of miles at great cost to both you and the planet’s air quality.
Each tote is unique, as is reflected in us charging whatever-the-fuck-we-feel-like, in this case £91,627.12p
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does that come with cheese?
I’ve given up wearing socks, will this bag clash with my new look? I’m gunning for something that projects: Taste, refinement, cunt.
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Sir is wholly on-message with male fashion nuances of the moment, though we do recommend PVC chaps teamed with Speedos in this instance as well - this look is wholly You / off-medication schizophrenia, sir. 
Thank you for your kind response,
As you appreciate, first impressions count - it’s all about the optics d’see.
On the off chance I’m looking for something special for a my next parole meeting. Would you consider creating a bespoke peek-a-boo parker and dildo heeled driving shoes?
I look forward to hearing back and thank you in advance for your consideration,
MWS.
White trousers are essential…
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