fixt
1 Like
It is bad enough to suffer a hostile takeover by a figment of one’s own imagination, It is abject cruelty to suffer a dual affliction in the form of a figment of the figments imagination. To be Stronzettoed is to be damned - Perhaps one day science will be able to remedy this phenomena but in the meantime, like David Banner, I suffer. Here is the latest from the idiot garden - Please receive this information as a cry for help…
Like a clockwork I put out Stronzetto’s glue ration at 9am and again after the gentleman’s nap around 4:30. He bites my shins and gets under my feet before receiving a stout toe punt for his troubles. This is the routine. Of late there has been no sign of the Brazil nut in his corner of the Mind Garden and I must confess to a level of concern. I appreciate his foray into the world of politics was perhaps premature but I had not appreciated the depths of his deflation or indeed where it would take him. With no better distraction presenting itself I decided to stake out the silage heap the feral little fornicator calls home and trap the little shyster and deliver unto him a most violent reasoning.
Keeping quiet and keeping still are challenging for a verbose masturbator such as I but the thrill of trapping the red eyed recidivist began to stir my inner Alfa… Besides I have a bad case of thrush and the notion such stealthy skills could come in useful should I ever marry and require a sneaky wank whilst spooning the wife in bed… I digress. Stronzetto where are you? I whispered to myself noting a rising concern for my man mule and the fact my finest contraband was ‘bottled’ (shoved up his capable anus)
Wait! A rustle in the branches and the familiar sound of snuffling followed - oblivious to my fine camouflage and cruel intentions the gloppy little glue tub was hoofing from his adhesive teat mere feet away.
Leaping from my position I was able to connect with his ears and face with a flurry of unbridled cuntishness. I had thought this would be sufficient to disarm the UHU kid but he took cover screaming blue murder and throwing all that was to hand. Through the din I was able to shout ‘Where have you been’? whilst ducking a rake and a crispy copy of Razzle " I want Hollywood, I’m going to be a star like Jamez Bonds" By god you reeking fool is that what you’ve been plotting these last few days? "Yes I have been making a show reel for my agent" Well then show me your labors and it had better be good or it’s no glue for you. Gingerly Stronzetto stepped out from his cover and produced a DVD of his endeavors. I have to say the little man mule had been most creative, I beat him thoroughly for his misjudgement but I shall leave it to you to be the final arbiter of his potential…
9 Likes
Potentially a DAFTA nomination is in the pipeline
1 Like
Mr. MWS and his reluctant side kick Shitzetto have been mostly silent these last few blissful months. The arrival of our baby daughter has brought a level of tiredness to the otherwise uncluttered mind allowing for only the most muffled musings from the sexual servant. This morning I awoke into a strange trance like state that I initially put down to a sugar crash (no mince pies yesterday) Bright colours and a sort of internal shouting made the mornings ablutions a hateful challenge. Meditating on the matter the picture became clear
Fuck, I’ve been invaded by Dave Hill was the first poisonous thought but with a little concentration further terrors arose. This is clearly the work of the inner idiot, only he could implant this terrible vision. What is he planning? led to a spiral of anxious thoughts "Is MWS attempting to hang out the back of Noddy Holder? Is Stronzetto hoofing glue from Mr. Hills engorged platform boot? You must understand it is difficult for a less than average mind such as mine to contain / balance such potentials. I’m uncertain at what point the hyperventilation ended as I came to with Fruit of loin No 1 pulling my big toe and shouting “It’s Christmas!!!” THE HORROR Mr. MWS is below the belt on a good day but now the mind is etched? No squatted with Slade’s most abortive ‘musical’ outing… Summoning each meaningful fiber of the soul a command was sent inward
Mr. MWS, my Christmas will not be tangled with by you, Noddy holder or that infernal song.
Alternative silly season listening vol: 1
7 Likes
Good effort. Christmas records are a very hard sell.
I would always turn to the master; Joseph Spence for my festive fulfilment.
1 Like
Outstanding!
Or perhaps this re-worked favourite.
1 Like
I like Jessie May Hemphill
Grooving
This was always a favourite…
1 Like
Just bought a CD from the States $14 with postage in the UK £38. Thanks Guy for posting her.
1 Like
It was Matt but yes it does sound good.
1 Like
Sorry senior moment. Thank Matt.
1 Like
It could be the cheese, it could be a passing bout of Norwalk? Regardless, bulletins most off-base have chundered down from the mind garden these last few days. In lucid moments I’m lured by the music of nomadic singer songwriters, troubadours, and tortured minstrels. Perhaps it is their cumbersome self obsession? Maybe their victim laden outpourings resonate with my carnal flops? I can not be sure. One thing is certain - This premium slice of artistic expression has the power to move mankind both inward and upward!!.
1 Like
Wow.
1 Like
Face-for-radio, but otherwise the sort of thing that if it was mimed-to by some trendy-looking 19YO would prolly be a global megahit.
He has tasteful and sensitive merchandise
2 Likes
The world needs more country & Roll
Fuck Garfunkel
Keeping the Christmas spirit flowing
I also enjoyed the next one that youtube suggested.
The breakdown is particularly good.
2 Likes
It’s good to be reminded once in a while just how far down the bottom of the pit goes.
VB
2 Likes
Reporting live from the u-bend of humanity - Mr MWS’s aim is truly low
1 Like