The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of shit from Twitter


A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.

The bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line.”

The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.


Excuse the dust on this, I haven’t been forced to deploy it for several years:


Humour is relative…


Viagra will not make you James Bond.

But it will make you Roger Moore.




I couldn’t find a birdwatchers thread so here goes.




I’m here all day :+1:t3:





OK, if we are going for reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaally old and also reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaally shit jokes, this one has just come off the defibrillator:







Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Hong Kong and the venue is packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little Chinese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice “Play a jazz chord!”

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie’s varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts “No, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!”

A bit miffed, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the b flat minor chord and really tears the the place apart.The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again “No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!”

Well and truly pissed off that this little guy doesn’t seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage, “OK smart guy, you get up here and do it!”

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes the mike and starts to sing…

“a jazz chord, to say, I ruv you”…