The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of shit from Twitter


#506

Ooh, I can’t ait to see what genre of music he chooses.
Hope it’s reggae… :smiling_imp:


#507

It’s still Thursday :roll_eyes:


#508

I’m getting ahead of myself with excitement…:lying_face::lying_face::lying_face:


#509

You were premature.


#510

Nothing new there :disappointed:


#511

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20800292_1178693298898186_4803592875569859741_n.jpg?oh=81f710fc5e9a655bab420431b40590f6&oe=5A1AA50A


#512


#513

Is that some sort of confession?


#514

Fool should have waited until she’d phoned him to say she’d arrived at work :blush:


#515

My wife drives a Peugeot. Breakdowns are inevitable.


#516

#517

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20953359_1863764736977862_3364176203169333682_n.jpg?oh=80d8ec5d52dd491d9a38164c7ee201dd&oe=5A2EA36A


#518


#519

calender


#520

The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe 2017

  1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change” - Ken Cheng

  2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book” - Frankie Boyle

  3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” - Alexei Sayle

  4. “I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her” - Lew Fitz

  5. “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated” - Andy Field

  6. “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant” - Mark Simmons

  7. “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it…” - Jimeoin

  8. “I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house” - Ed Byrne

  9. “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine” - Olaf Falafel

  10. “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!”’ - Alasdair Beckett-King

  11. “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event” - Angela Barnes

  12. “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer” - Adele Cliff

  13. “For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it” - Phil Wang

  14. “I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark” - Adam Hess

  15. “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act” - Tim Vine


#521

Sheriff to bartender: "I’ve just thrown a cowboy into jail wearing a paper shirt"
Bartender: "Gee, what for Sheriff?"
Sheriff: “Rustling”


#522

Carbon dating required on aisle 3


#523

Jim, you are a much better, project manager, than you are, a stand-up comedian!


#524

:slightly_smiling_face:


#525

Nice use of comma’s there :+1: