The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of shit from Twitter


#1094

#1095

That’s dreadful. This is worse:

:fu:


#1096


#1097

I’ve twice been in a roadside/pavement situation where someone is hurt, the shout of “Is there a doctor here” goes out, and the only response is “I’m a vegetarian…”


#1098

I think you forgot the punchline :thinking:


#1099


#1100

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said:

“You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married”. “Later my father married my step daughter. That made my step daughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father’s son, but he was also the son of my wife’s daughter which made him my wife’s grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.

“This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. “This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father’s wife, I’m my stepmother’s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child’s aunt, my son is my father’s nephew and I’m my own grandfather!


#1101


#1102

Excellent set of rules, every one. :+1:


#1103


#1104


#1105

#1106


#1107

IMG-20180227-WA0010


#1108


#1109

#1110


#1111

Sad news form the Nestlé factory; a worker was crushed beneath a pallet of chocolate that fell 20 feet from an upper warehouse shelf.

His repeated calls for help were ignored.

Apparently, shouting 'The Milky Bars are on me" just got cheers from his co-workers.


#1112

That joke must be as old as the advert - and I first saw it in black-and-white :grinning:


#1113

I fell off my dinosaur when I first heard it.