The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of shit from Twitter


#1154

The musical version :- :smiley:


#1155


#1156

As old as Kosciuszko…


#1157

dirty_harry


#1158


#1159


#1160

Just got a new aftershave which smells like lard, breadcrumbs and worms.

The birds bloody love it…


#1161


#1162

Nicked from FB

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.

“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank’s president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.

The loan officer says, “Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?”

The man replies, “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?”


#1163

The old ones are the best…


#1164

Are you doing proof by exception there? That was utter poo…


#1165

The old ones are still the old ones


#1166


#1167

_20180316_165549


#1168


#1169


#1170

More like the above two please, my chuckle muscle has been exercised.


#1171

Just been in hospital having a large mole removed from my penis.

Won’t be trying to shag one of those again.


#1172

#1173

I hate it when people ask me, "Where do you see yourself in two years’ time?”
Anybody would think I have 2020 vision.