The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet)


Ooh, I can’t ait to see what genre of music he chooses.
Hope it’s reggae… :smiling_imp:


It’s still Thursday :roll_eyes:


I’m getting ahead of myself with excitement…:lying_face::lying_face::lying_face:


You were premature.


Nothing new there :disappointed:




Is that some sort of confession?


Fool should have waited until she’d phoned him to say she’d arrived at work :blush:


My wife drives a Peugeot. Breakdowns are inevitable.







The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe 2017

  1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change” - Ken Cheng

  2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book” - Frankie Boyle

  3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” - Alexei Sayle

  4. “I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her” - Lew Fitz

  5. “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated” - Andy Field

  6. “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant” - Mark Simmons

  7. “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it…” - Jimeoin

  8. “I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house” - Ed Byrne

  9. “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine” - Olaf Falafel

  10. “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!”’ - Alasdair Beckett-King

  11. “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event” - Angela Barnes

  12. “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer” - Adele Cliff

  13. “For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it” - Phil Wang

  14. “I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark” - Adam Hess

  15. “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act” - Tim Vine


Sheriff to bartender: "I’ve just thrown a cowboy into jail wearing a paper shirt"
Bartender: "Gee, what for Sheriff?"
Sheriff: “Rustling”


Carbon dating required on aisle 3


Jim, you are a much better, project manager, than you are, a stand-up comedian!




Nice use of comma’s there :+1: