That’s teh aktual funniez and therefore not in keeping with the thread. 
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And has been here before.
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Yates Wine Lodge, Warrington, 1996?
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Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?
Stirling Moss
Lewis Hamilton
Eddie Irvine
Ayr Town Centre
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A teacher asks his pupils, "Can anyone tell me the difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nastiness?"
Little Johnny puts his hand up.
“One is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments.”
“Very good, Johnny,” says the teacher. “And the other?”
“Your mum’s a bitch!!.”
Bloke has just lost his job so visits the job centre to claim unemployment benefit.
Clerk: Status married or single
Bloke: Married.
Clerk: Do you have any children and if so, how many?
Bloke: Yes, ten.
Clerk: What are their ages?
Bloke: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two and one.
Clerk: That’s a bit unusual. What’s their dates-of-birth?
Bloke: February 23rd.
Clerk: Yes, next one?
Bloke: February 23rd, they were all born on February 23rd.
Clerk: So you’re saying your wife had a baby every year for the last ten years on the same day?
Bloke: Yes.
Clerk: That’s amazing. What sort of work are you looking for?
Bloke: I’m a precision grinder.
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SCAM ALERT PLEASE SHARE. I took part in this testing offer and I didn’t get my voucher but I was sent a letter in the post and have to go to court now please share in case anyone else you know gets this text its disgusting
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An oldie but…
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Seen it before, but never fails to make me smile. 
I’ve posted it several times over the years. It amuses me 
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That’s alright bruv - we’re used to your re-cycled humour 
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If you weren’t family…
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