Cliff fucking Richard, you give us Cliff Richard based humor. Aaaaaggghhhhh
Aiming for another festive number one, his new single is out mid December. In a change of direction for the 125 year old Cliff, he has written this song to set the record straight. The nattily titled single will be available at all good charity shops from Boxing day.
Wow, Dot Cotton’s looking like 5 kinds of shit these days…
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Jack and Jill went into town
To get some chips and sweeties,
Now he can’t keep his blood pressure down
And she has diabetes.
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Ladas even have working indicators, as standard, from the factory…
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British engineering got there first
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Another one from last century -
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is
assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons
and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are
copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question
this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of
the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, “We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make a
good point, my son.”
He goes down into the dark caves
underneath the monastery where the original
manuscripts are held as archives,
in a locked vault that hasn’t
been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the
R
We missed the
R
We missed the bloody
R
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was …
CELEBRATE!"
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Er… did you mean ‘celibrate’? 
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