A man in his 60s goes to his doctor to request a prescription for Viagra.
Man - "I’ve met this lovely young lady, she’s only 28; the thing is doc, I can’t keep it up like I used to"
Doc - "You can get Viagra on the internet these days"
Man - "I wouldn’t trust tablets bought on the internet. Please Doc, she’s coming to stay this weekend, if I can’t perform, she’ll probably lose interest in me"
Doc - “Ok, I’ll prescribe you just three Viagra tablets, But I’m a little concerned about your heart, so if you notice any breathlessness or chest pain after you take them, stop any strenuous activity immediately. Come back here again on Monday to see me so that I can examine you for any after-effects”
Monday morning, the man attends the surgery as requested. His right hand is heavily bandaged and the arm is in a sling.
Doc, looking surprised - "What the hell happened to you over the weekend?"
Man - “She didn’t show”
Young teacher Ellie explains to her primary class that she is a born-again Christian.
Ellie asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too.
None of the class really knows what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, all little hands suddenly shot up into the air.
There’s only one girl Clara who doesn’t raise her hand.
So Ellie asks her why she has decided to be different.
Clara says, “Because I’m not a Christian.
The teacher Ellie asks, “So what are you then?”
Clara replies, “I’m an atheist.”
Ellie is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she’s an atheist.
Clara says, “It’s just that my parents aren’t religious. My Mother is an atheist, and my Father is atheist, so I’m atheist.”
Ellie is now angry. “That’s no reason.” she says loudly. “What if your Mother was a idiot, and your Father was a idiot. What would you be then?”
“Then,” Clara says, “I’d be a born-again Christian.”
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask a question to the receptionist.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”
She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 331.”
