The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet)






Cheers Paul that fair made me laff :+1:






dammit - now imma hafta fap again . . .



It’s the FA Cup Final between Leeds and Derby. Stuart makes his way to his seat right on the center line. He sits down, sees that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbour Francis if someone will be sitting there. ‘No’ says Francis.‘The seat is empty.’
‘This is unbelievable ,’ said Stuart. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA Cup and not use it?‘
Francis says, ‘Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
‘This is the first FA Cup match we haven’t been to together since we got married.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible… But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?’
Francis shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’


Fucking hell, Jim. Feeling nostalgic?


Max Boyce used to tell that joke about a Wales International at the Arms Park in the early 70s!


I know times were hard back then, but I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t new then either. Perhaps when Cato sat next to Cicero at the Circus Maximus it might have raised a wry smile…


A man goes into a fish and chip shop.
Man: I’ll have pissoles and chips please.
Server: Your have said that wrong it starts with a R not a P
Man: Arseholes and Chips please


Wasn’t he a Scotsman?


Was who a Scotsman?


A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a businessman walk into a bar.

The barman says “What can I get you, Mr President?”


Max Boyce


Renowned for his Scotchness, in fact you won’t ever find a picture of him not wearing the full kilt & sporran.

The Boyce clan tartan is a thing of beauty.