Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!
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Lost it right thereā¦
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Fake facts people. Fake facts.
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Remember when there were all the āyour mumā gags around?
Your mum is so fat that when she fell down the stairs I thought Eastenders had finished.
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They simply havenāt done the necessary research 
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I thought it was general knowledge that a swinging of the wizards cape signified 30 seconds to the end of the song and applause could start.
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Fake news.
They should not applaud until the end.
Anything else is just gauche.
Like applauding between movements at a classical gig.
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I agree. Saw the Nutcracker a few weeks ago, and every 5 minutes they wanted a clap. I waited and gave them the clap at the end. Oh, better re-phrase thatā¦
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Unless itās jazz gig. Then every solo MUST be accompanied by polite applause. An exceptional solo will be followed by a lone āYEAH!ā
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Probably the wrong thread as this isnāt a joke - itās real. A jen-yoo-wine sign on the back of a āfacilitiesā company vehicle.
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A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn.
She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenterās saw.
The banged-up-cheater was terrified and hollered, āStop! Stop! Youāre not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?ā
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husbandās hand and said ā¦
āNopeā¦You are!
Iām gonna burn down the Barn!ā
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Gawd, I actually chuckled at that. No doubt it will be used when in an inebriated state. Canāt believe I chuckled.
Looks more like a Kos to me
What, a Greek island?
Donāt be daft.
Very funny!.. and true.