The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet)


#141


#142

It’s like an Abbatoir thread. :slight_smile:


#143


#144

Scrapped.


#145


#146

I’ll tell you what, it was bloody cold this morning. Instead of standing in dog shit, I tripped over it.


#147

Worse than ISIS?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C4qOOy5VUAAw0Bk.jpg


#148

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/p480x480/16681738_1555901807783849_1762483116039901787_n.jpg?oh=db1cdf3ff8947ccabc907d782764b9b4&oe=593B6CEF


#149

https://twitter.com/haveigotnews/status/835127480629538816


#150

The downhill trombone.


#151

Vlad the Inhaler.


#156


#157


#158

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/16938457_1404660309595412_6144283092281112984_n.png?oh=4fa1294ca0445d4ebcd13d33791109bb&oe=59274D39


#159

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;…
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!


#160

My wife has left me. I think it’s because I’m so insecure.

Hang on - she’s back!

She went to make a cup of tea.


#161

How does Moses brew his tea?

Hebrews it.

Seriously. Israeli how he does it.


#162

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/s960x960/16904924_1266532380063273_7371529077844819833_o.jpg?oh=3750a2012927109f823089ec974a016d&oe=5928C64D


#163

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/12743974_1117653924932457_7772282762511616093_n.jpg?oh=93ad034d89b65be5a4c687e617777422&oe=592B7172


#164

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17021771_10155085146072628_5958797772618128684_n.jpg?oh=9eecb67c7c34c64455a678a3c9fa03ae&oe=5929D050