Things you have believed all your life that are wrong


#1

I always thought that Sunday was the first day of the week.

Until today when I told Ellie that I would buy her a record if she was pleasant to everyone in household for the rest of the week. She smirked in that insolent way that teenagers reserve for their benighted parents and said “Fine, so you’ll order it in the morning then?” “No, next Sunday, if you’re good for the rest of the week.” “The week ends tonight.” “No, Saturday night.” “Wrong, the week ends on Sunday.” “No, the week starts on Sunday…” and to pre-empt any further “No it doesn’t” “Yes it does” shite I googled it.

Fuck ISO 8601.


#2

Weeeeeelllll … Genesis 2:2 says that on the seventh day God, having created everything, rested. Among the ten commandments is one which instructs the religious to keep that day holy. The Old Testament is, of course, primarily a Jewish document and, sure enough, the Jewish Sabbath is on a Saturday, making that the seventh day. So Sunday would be the first day.

Christians now keep Sunday as the Sabbath. But it seems that’s a more recent innovation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunday. If it came down to a choice between upsetting an omnipotent and, sometimes at least, easily angered God and riling the International Standards Organisation I’m not sure which one I’d go for TBH.

VB


#3

Stratocasters can’t do heavy. They can. :guitar:


#4

Yeah, don’t piss off the ISO, or they’ll standardise you into oblivion.

Being an atheist, I have decided to accept the new definition, rather than the superstitious, archaic one.


#5

For most of my early childhood I believed that the winners of the TV quiz show “Top Of The Form” were rewarded with so many pounds worth of cream buns. Turns out it was premium bonds.

VB


#6

#7

Lemmings jump off cliffs in huge numbers


#8

Only if you don’t position your blocker correctly.


#9

Aren’t they much the same?


#10

Have you ever tried writing ‘Follower of the ISO’ on your census form ? Acherly ain’t you one uh them Jedi people ?

VB


#11

Aged 12 MWS Jr believed if you had a sufficiently long penis it would be possible to mount several women at once. He hoped woman’s front and back bottom were pretty much a clear channel. Therefore a sex ‘kebab’ would be possible. The puncturing of this and many other heartfelt desires may well be the potential cause for his continued preference for fantasy and smarting allergy to reality.


#12

Might be if your girlfriend is called Donna…


#13

“Doing a Donna” was how this fantasy was labeled in the fledgling mind garden.


#14

Sheeesh, that is terrible. :face_with_monocle:


#15

Pitta the poor lady.


#16

Lettuce not start that stupid pun nonsense again.


#17

Yoghurt to be kidding!


#18

Anything for a pizza the action


#19

Shish…you lot!


#20

Just houmus for a while…