So Cheshire it hurts
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Iâm trying to think of a way to tell this to Claire, and I havenât worked one out yet.
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Just like your fucking foo, youâre now imagining that branded towels feel better 
. You plum.
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People that wait in the street for hours to see the royal family can all have a knee to the groin.
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Just 'cos you donât have Hugo Boss, na naa na na na 
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Towels are so plebeian. One has Japanese virgins dab the water from ones body with their long, silky hair.
As long as they havenât used conditioner!
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Fuck ÂŁ600 towels
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What about shoes?
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NEVER use a towel to clean your shoes (unless youâre in a hotel)
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To my daughters dog Zach, who threw up his breakfast this morning and I have just discovered it on the upstairs landing carpet. 3/4 of an hour later of using all cleaning products known to man and itâs nearly clean. Fucking dog, ran off this morning on itâs walk too.
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Dealing with humans is bad enough, why complicate your life?
On average, dogs suck a fair bit less than humans, frequently better company, too.
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I find that Hugo Boss towels excel when clearing up dog vomit.
Hugo Boss, purveyors of the finest clothing to fascist regimes since the 1930âs.
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Would you buy a second-hand painting from this man?
Sir Angus Gross(f)art, who compared the treatment of former RBS Chief Sir Fred Goodwin to âshades of Kristallnacht.â
And brought the Bannonburger to this meeting at Gleneagles.
A knackering of the nads to all of their kind.
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