Yet another thread for the purposes of awarding a cockpunch

Is that for self bukake?

MrsKettle appears to have bought this


from that there Ebay. Forget barbershop, forget jazz flute Vivaldi or sixth form rock Messiah, my musical experience has just reached a new low.

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Keren…:heart_eyes: :heart_eyes: :heart_eyes:

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I’ll see your Keren and raise you a Siobhan :lips::wave::ok_hand:

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Good that you are putting a brave face on it. You may want to explore couples’ counselling once the initial shock and crushing disappointment have worn off.

Well tailored venom more welcome than no venom at all. :slight_smile:

Fucking shitty wanky fuckwitted scrote sucking government gateway can have a massive toe punt to their septic shrivelled fucking knackers.

They’ve managed to delete/lose my LTD company info and was told to recreate it but it’s now saying that my HMRC UTR doesn’t exist or is wrong.

Fucking nadger suckling bloated fuckweasel cock trumpeting bunch of cunts.

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They are useless cock wombles, all of them.

Splendid cockpunching!

I tried to submit my tax return on 31st Jan. for 2015/16 (as usual, left to the last day posswible) and forgot that my registered phone number and email address with them were my old ‘work’ ones and /I hadn’t informed them of the change. Nobody there to speak to on the 31st (a Sunday IIRC) so contacted them on Monday 1st Feb to be told they would have to send a new password out by post and I would be liable for the £100 late payment charge, although I could ‘appeal’

10 days later I get the password, but they then send the ‘verification code’ to my old phone!

To be fair to them, after a lengthy phone call, they got me connected and waived the £100 late fee, so they’re not all bad.

I only started contracting in May 2016 after being made redundant. Set everything up and the portal said my self assessment for 2016/2017 would be due Jan 2018.

Got a letter through last week saying I’ve been fined £100 for not submitting my 2015/2016 return.

Phoned them and said I was a permanent employee up till May 2016 so wasn’t contracting or anything in 2015/2016, they said yep but you still need to submit a £0 return for 15/16 but the system wouldn’t have told you that. They did say the fine would be waived on appeal though.

Oh and don’t even get me started on fucking IR35, fuckwits announce the changes a year ago and then release the decision making tool 3 weeks before the legislation starts.

Not trying to take the piss, but might it be easier to retain the services of an accountant who specialises in contractor finances?

I wouldn’t dream of trying to do it myself.

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I have an accountant who set it all up for me, he generates the payslips and then I just go into the portal and pay the tax and NI each month.

That was until they lost my gateway portal account.

Fax them. :slight_smile:

Spellcheck?

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Genius, genius fucking swearing of the highest fecking order. You, Sir, should be awarded an award . I know not what, but it should be fucking huge and made of unobtanium

Ah…you spoiled my finely crafted and set up gag.

Sorry

Too late now. You should have thought of others feelings before you jumped in.

So the cockpunch is all yours mister.