Does the cat realise the status of the vehicle it is sitting on?
Like a queen on a throne!
No,the owners will be shocked by the bill they maybe recieving.
Iām not the only one who has a troll cat then, there a few local cats that like to sit on my car or shed fucking taunting me.
Time to resurrect this oldie but goodie:
is that your beige mini? why has it got a crack across one 9f the headlights?
Some of you may recall a rant last summer, before the great sausage fingered obliteration, about how Claire, in direct contradiction of my specific instructions, had allowed the kids to buy a couple of mice, and a mouse palace.
Anyway, Maisy and Amber turned out to be really cute and rather fun, running around the house in their balls and sitting (and, once, shitting) on my head and other meecey stuff.
Yesterday Amber was a bit lethargic, and had a lump in her tummy. When I got home today, Lauren was in floods of tears because Amber is now an ex-mouse. She has ceased to be, her metabolic processes etc etcā¦
Now the cockpunch isnāt for the grim reaper taking little Amber.
No.
We have to have a mouse funeral. FFS. Amber is already lying in state in her iPhone box coffin, and tomorrow she will be interred with the extreme solemnity that only a bereft pre-teen can muster.
Iāve got to work tomorrow, so I told Lauren to go ahead without me, but no, Amber liked me apparently so she would have wanted me at her funeral, so sheās waiting until I get home. 
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Be very worried.
We had a gerbil once who lived in a fish tank. It snuffed it so I decided to put tropical fish in there instead. It turned out that a new 4ft tank complete was cheaper than the bits to make ours work, so I bought it.
Jan then decided that when the fish tank was set up it would be impossible to move so we had to decorate. The new dĆ©cor didnāt match the carpet so this had to be replaced. And the curtains. And the light fittings
Bloody gerbil dying cost a fortune!
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You should have got her to make your hifi rack as that gravestone looks level 
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Handwriting is better, for sure.
So, have you decided on the funeral music yet ? Iād have thought that pretty much anything by this guy would be appropriate
VB
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http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/folk-song-lyrics/Three_Blind_Mice_Are_Dead(round).htm
at least you donāt have to pay for cremationā¦ do you know how much a cat cremation and ornamental pot costs?
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Economy version
3 bricks Ā£1.50
Hessian sack Ā£4.00
Bus fare to canal Ā£1.85
Ā£7.35 all in 
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ok you can come a deal with Louise thenā¦
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Iāll pass then, thanks
Iām fairly sure that if a cremation is needed the animal is already dead.
not necessarily
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from memory it was close on Ā£200 to euthanize a seriously ill cat and get her cremated (inc. the urn)
Have you not got a back garden, a spade and access to cardboard boxes?