You wanted A Renault?
On-purpose?
Well it’s a good thing you’re not drinking That much any more . . . 
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Driving for a few hours, slowly, to shit in a bucket and get stuck in a field. Nope.
Not thinking of a new career in plumbing then?
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I’ve done 10 years of looking after toilets, not for me. When you get from a member of staff who has just seen someone drop the kids off at the pool and not washed their hands. What do they want me to do with that information?
Or its the broken loo seat that has two shoe prints round the rim, or someone who has missed the toilet with their deposit. Its not fucking rocket science!
Sorry off topic rant but its the end of the working week. Beer time!
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Yeah, I know huh ?
I was a new arrival. I had owned a 16 in Oz and it was OK. I never understood how baaaad these French things could be.
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We stayed here one year:
http://www.les-courtilles-du-lido.fr/en/campsite/
Lovely it was. Went to Versailles, Fontainebleau, walking distance to the metro for a walk around Paris and the Louvre. Something like £25 a night with the kids.
Stopped in Belgium on the way back and returned with two cases of Westvleteren.
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I remember camping/caravan holidays on the Murray at Yarrawonga. 42C on a cool day, spiders everyfuckingwhere, and don’t mention the fucking drop bears… 
.
I learned my bushcraft pretty quickly. In 40+ heat you need to be somewhere cool and shady. The coolest, shadiest place I could find was under the airconditioner in the Pub. Crawling back to the camp to sleep it off when the nighttime low was 28C was a 'mare.
Sigh…happi dazye…
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This morning I have mostly been watching caravan crash videos on Youtube.
Did put a washing line thingy up as well, but that is not very interesting at all. Probably just mildly less interesting than the Youtube thing tbh.
Still, off on me holidays in 6 weeks or so.
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This is why we love our VW camper, just get in, drive off (sometimes 
) and enjoy a few nights camping out almost anywhere, and have a cup of tea en route.
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I can understand the appeal of a small camper. VW ones are a bit more spendy than we would like. For this year at least the caravan suits our needs. Be nice to have a poo in a small cupboard in a small white box in a field, next to some others doing the same.
Don’t think we ever used the loo in ours, had one just in case with the kids but always just used the site showers/toilet.
I mean that’s probably because I didn’t fit in the cupboard but that’s beside the point.
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I’m guessing campsites this year will be heaving
https://www.caravanclub.co.uk/uk-holidays/uk-sites/certificated-locations/
Try and find one of these, only 5 caravans at a time 
Have one, here in the village, behind a nice big house.
I thought it would be a free for all bun fight come June
So will all the campers 
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We have been looking at a few of those, and some of the smaller campingintheforest sites.
First one is at the club site at Sandringham.
Gonna spend my birthday having a a big poo in a cupboard in a field.
Is caravan dogging a thing yet?
Ideal for the leisurely voyeur on a Sunday morning whilst strolling to the the campsite shop for the telegraph
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Van owners seem obsessed with having toilets, cookers and all sorts in their van but not actually with any intention of using them!
The amount of vans I’ve seen with immaculate £5k kitchens that have never once been cooked on 
TBH we don’t either, just the grill for making toast. Ours has a built in extractor fan but as we always cook outside then its a bit redundant. The fridge and the heating system get plenty of use.
We use all the facilities in ours. We cook most days when away. We shower in the bathroom every day and the toilet gets used too.
My advice is enjoy the whole experience including the journey. Take your time when travelling and when setting up. There are loads of videos on you tube with advice etc.
Have fun.