Last couple of days I have been working at a customers that I have known for 8 years. Always got on with them really well.
This week the new employee seems to have named all of the lab equipment after Hobbit/Lord o’ Rings characters. She also likes to talk in a squeaky babyish voice, and seems to think the microscopes have personalities. She also adds emojis to emails.

I have been a bit stumped as to how to deal with her to be honest. I can deal with unhappy customers, sort of middling customers, and happy customers. How the fuck do you deal with fucking morons? A bat would be good, but best not.
She started getting a bit grumpy with me by the end of today as I am unable to indulge that sort of thing.

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Enter in to the spirit of things
Tell her that you now want to be addressed as ‘Balrog’ or ‘Gothmog’

Throw her into Mount Doom. It’s the only way to be sure.

That’s mostly who I have to deal with.
Smile sweetly, empathise, act interested, indulge their quirks, then laugh behind their backs.

It works for me.

She’s right. If they’re anything like other bits of kit I’ve dealt with then I think you mean ‘personality disorders’. I’ve had stuff, including stuff I’ve built with my own tender hands, that has taken against me dreadfully, and for no good reason. Compared with them your customer sounds like a sweetie.

Maybe you should tell her that the microscopes will come to despise her if she doesn’t grow up and show them who’s boss.

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Turn up dressed as Harry Potter tomorrow :+1:


Spray a curtain ring gold & stuff your testicles through it. When you can’t stand any more create good eye contact and slowly expose yourself then ask what do you think of my lovely boys? If she says ‘one ring to rule them all’ - Run. If she calls the police you will be arrested - In either case you will be out of the situation.


You’re too good for this world :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Call her a lightweight for not using Silmarillion/underlying First Age names*

  • or alternative names from early drafts, such as how Celeborn was once called Teleporno…
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Thankfully wasn’t there long today. Seems to have gotten worse. Bit too squealy and over-excitable. Actually caressed the calibration sticker I put on her favourite microscope.

Every time she came out with some daft Hobbitt reference I looked at her non-plussed until she spoke properly.
Last comment of the day " Oooh, next time I see you you will be feeding Shadowfax". In normal person speak it is about fitting something to one of the microscopes.

Still bit non-plussed on how to deal with it tbh. Watched some Hobbity films, but couldn’t tell you who the characters were. Maybe I should feel more excitable about what I do.

Still, thank fuck that one is done for a while.


Shadowfax is Gandalf’s horse
You had better take a bag of oats in next time.


I hope you had to look that up.


Sadly not


Yeah, I used to work with an elf or something.

Everything being in code got pretty tiresome pretty quickly.

Although I don’t remember elves being that fat in the films.

Ask her if she’s into role-play

bmtells customer

Like every good nerd, she is trying to drag you into the bubble of their own particular insanity :rofl:

Its a trap!

Forum needs some sort of unlike thing.

I was read the Hobbit as a child at primary school and was hooked.
I was a voracious reader and aged 10 or so I had to attend an interview with the Chief Librarian (with my Mum in attendance) so I could borrow LOTR. It was only in the adult section and you had to be 14.
I was allowed to borrow the books.
By the time I was 12 or 13 I had probably read it about 10 times.
Stuff you learn at that age never goes away.


i suggest getting one of these to wear in the lab

Next time tell her that you will be her Tom Bombadil if she will be your Goldberry.

Those characters never made the films and you would have to know the books quite well to recognise them.
She will adore you! :grinning: