Helpful tips for a safe eclipse viewing experience:
The people of Tennessee may have the best view but will also be the first to be sacrificed.
Animals may behave strangely. If your dog speaks like a man heed it’s dire warning.
Don’t trust the squirrel with the child’s face. It speaks only lies.
When your double arrives, resist the inclination to fight it. It may be stronger than you. Chances are it will disappear after the eclipse. Be careful it doesn’t switch places, it will be a few decades before you get the chance to come back.
If you stare into the void, and it blinks first, you win. But the prize is insanity.
Werewolves are not only impossible to kill during an eclipse, they become SUPER WEREWOLVES.
Whatever you do don’t buy any weird plants, we don’t want a repeat of last time.
Apophis, the Moon Serpent, may try to eat you. Let him.
If once upon a time you were falling in love, but now your only falling apart, there’s nothing you can do. This a different type of eclipse.
For our beloved brethren on the western side of the Whale Road:
Helpful Tips for a Safe and Rewarding Eclipse Viewing Experience:
The people of Tennessee may have the best view but will also be the first to be sacrificed.
Animals may behave strangely. If your dog speaks with the voice of a man - heed it’s dire warnings.
Do not trust the squirrel with the child’s face. It speaks only lies.
When your double arrives, resist the desire to fight it. It may be stronger than you. Chances are it will disappear after the eclipse. Be careful it doesn’t switch places, it will be a few decades before you get the chance to return.
If you stare into the sun, and the sun blinks, then you have won: the prize is blindness.
If you stare into the void, then the void stares back into you - you win again: the prize is insanity.
Werewolves are impossible to kill during an eclipse, but they do respond well to the great taste of nutritious Pedigree Chum.
Whatever you do, don’t buy any weird plants - we don’t want a repeat of last time.
Apophis, the Moon Serpent, may try to eat you. Let him.
If once upon a time you were falling in love, but now you’re only falling apart, there’s nothing you can do. This not that sort of eclipse.
