Pilots call the middle of Australia the GAFA , a.k.a. the Great Australian Fuck AllâŚ
Mâeh! I have just spent an hour in Straya House renewing my kids passports. ÂŁ352 of my favourite ÂŁÂŁ for the pleasure. Thieving bâstards and a grumpy two fingers to the officious strayan consular staff.
FactardsâŚ
Not only the wildlife is dangerous
You know youâre AUSTRALIAN when:
The map of Tassie is part of the female anatomy⌠You believe that stubbies can either be drunk or worn. Youâve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something legal such as watering the garden. You understand that the phrase âa group of women wearing black thongsâ refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds. You pronounce Melbourne as âMel-binâ. You believe the âlâ in the word âAustraliaâ is optional. You can translate: âDazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccasâ. You call your best friend âa total bastardâ but someone you really, truly despise is just âa bit of a bastardâ. You think âWoolloomoolooâ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place. Youâre secretly proud of our killer wildlife. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin thatâs twice as big as its $2 coin. You understand that âWagga Waggaâ can be abbreviated to âWaggaâ but âWoy Woyâ canât be called âWoyâ. You believe that cooked down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread - youâve squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis. Beetroot with your Hamburger⌠of course! You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angelsâ song âAm I Ever Gonna See Your Face Againâ And âLiving next door to Aliceâ. You wear ugg boots outside the house. You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off for a pittance. You believe that the more you shorten someoneâs name the more you like them. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language. You understand that âexcuse meâ can sound rude, While âscuse meâ is always polite. You know what itâs like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose. You know itâs not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call âAnzac Cookiesâ. You still think of Kylie as âthat girl off Neighboursâ. When working in a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in âoâ: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc⌠You know that there is a universal place called âwoop woopâ located in the middle of nowhere, no matter where you actually are! You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like piss. You sleep with Aeroguard on in the summer and donât mind it as a perfume. Youâve only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, sweet, to mean âgoodâ and when you place âbloodyâ in front of it when you really mean it. You know that the barbecue is a political arena. You say âno worriesâ quite often, whether you realise it or not. You understand what no wucking furries means. Youâve drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam. You own a Bondâs chesty - in several different colors. You know that some people pronounce Australia like âStrayaâ and thatâs ok. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand even better then the last one.
Translations available.