I think that’s the important bit. I suspect I’m a fairly simple case because, as noted, I do not suffer from depression and neither do I really have ‘attacks’ of anxiety, I am simply anxious most of the time and have been for years (the accident in 2017 ramped it to the point where it was an issue day to day). Being given some means of approaching that- even if they are fairly ‘one size fits all’ in approach- have been pretty successful.
Made me titter that did. Sorry.
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Spud’s job interview
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That is very well expressed. And it is the hardest part to explain (I don’t try) - I compare it to waking-paralysis: you know you need to move, to act, to function - but you absolutely cannot.
I was 8 when it started, and it was sudden and complete, but wasn’t due to one particular event or trauma. I can’t actually describe how it felt without sounding melodramatic and attention seeking. It’s been with me ever since.
I used to have periods when I could drag myself out of it and be functional, but those have become ever-shorter. In the last 12 months it hasn’t stopped.
I know I’m relatively lucky: I don’t ever experience a desire to harm or remove myself, I don’t even feel “unhappy”. I don’t feel anything at-all. And that’s fine.
I’ve never managed to obtain treatment of even a diagnosis. GPs used to shut me down immediately “lose weight”, “get more exercise” (both good advice, but…), or a spurious physical examination; I did get an online CBT-type course from a GP I had in Oxon! I would try all the drugs, I’m a fucking zombie with no memory anyway.
I really, REALLY don’t blame the healthcare system for this situation: they’re pissing into an OCEAN of piss - mental ill health is incredibly common in modern society, near-universal, and there are masses of people with far more acute issues.
Thanks everyone who’s shared. Odd, but it makes a small difference that some people ‘get’ it.
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Every time I see this , it reminds me of that day
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You need a belief system. Honestly, not even being sarky. Just not that one. That one will substantially harm your mental wellness. Try Buddhism or something - not the worship, or belief, just the reading.
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This is very true,
There are is also a difference between therapy and counselling.
There are also a number of different models for both.
CBT and Psychodynamic Counselling seem to be favoured by the NHS, because they are interventionist, short term and therefore cheaper, not necessarily because they are the most suited to the individual
Oh, I get it, and truthfully I do need to constantly monitor my reactions to things to stop me spiralling even now. It never totally goes away but I don’t get that “frozen” feeling any longer because I can nip it in the bud before it gets a hold. I take charge. This of course, doesn’t mean I’m constantly happy-clappy. Setting my expectations that high is unrealistic and I don’t look for it, I’m content with a simple life but it’s surprising how often magic stuff happens when I’m not looking for it and I’m just taking care of moments.
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No, that would be freakish and annoying, and funnily-enough seems to equate to most people’s first week on the ol’ mood-lifters.
Mission accomplished. It sounds like a rocky road you travelled. Pleased its worked out.
That’s most of my ‘philosophy’ for life or whatever you want to call it, summed up in a sentence.
I think once I’d reached that conclusion (about 35) the rest of my life got much easier (to cope with).
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Haha, like I said, everything brings you to where you are. It just is and I probably made really fucking hard work of it. 
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How’s Trevor doing these days?
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I just looked up one of the shrinks, he was a leading authority on trans sexual issues and would often do the TV rounds on afternoon programmes… Not sure why he was on the panel, but he was the one who booted me out
Would have loved to heard the conversation once I left the room
Can I just say this thread has been one of the best reads here for a long time. Well done chaps. Really very helpful and some great insights and approaches which I will be able to take advantage of. Many, many thanks to you all.
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Yeah the conspiracy theory belief system is one that I just couldn’t get on with so no worries there.
I tend to treat belief as a kind of pick and mix of rules on how to live your life and live with yourself. A bit of Christianity here (my mum was very christian of the true love thy neighbor sort - she’d help anyone with their problems) a bit of Buddhism there, a sprinkling of Wicca on top to spice things up a bit. Not for any spiritual claptrap just because some wise people said some wise things that resonated with me at certain points in my life and slightly help me live through the day when I think on them. Maybe I should cast my net again and get some new dishes on the pick and mix menu.
The down side to this is that you are on your own, if you are part of a belief system, CofE, Seikh, JoHo, Anti-Vaxxer, whatever you have this immediate support system of other like minded individuals who you can connect with without trying.
Thinking about this it’s this connection that I miss most thanks to covid and the lockdowns, while I never had the almost permanent connection to a community that those mentioned above have I did have a connection to lots of temporary communities in restaurants, cinemas, theaters, beaches, raves, etc. where I was with others sharing the same experience even if I wasn’t directly connected to them.
anyway it’s poets day and I’m off to go pick up the wifes zopiclone so she’s able to go face another 2 nightshifts at the hospital this weekend. Better living through chemistry eh?
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Ok this is going to be difficult and I don’t know many of you but need to get stuff off my chest and hopefully get a little advice on where to turn.
I have suffered with varying degrees of depression over the years but have mostly managed to hide it and carry on as best as possible. People seem to think I’m this confident person, this could not be further from the truth.
I have had some major life changes over the past 6 years, losing my Mum, a break up of a 29 year relationship, leaving a long term job where I’d been there 10 years, getting into a new relationship and moving to a new area.
Everything has taken its toll, my new partner has had an horrendous time with the Menopause for the past 18 months, thankfully she’s coming out the other side now. My previous job I was working 70+ hours a week with no support from the Directors.
I’m now done, my relationship is suffering, my mood swings are all over the shop. One minute I’m fine next I have so much anger and frustration inside me. I can generally keep it in but sometime I just have to go into myself to stop me exploding and making things worse. I feel very alone, everything is my responsibility at the moment, my partner hasn’t worked since March 2020, her 30 year old son lives with us and is the laziest creature god put breath into.
I know I sound like I’m moaning but I am at the point of just not caring anymore, some nights I go to sleep and hope I don’t wake up in the morning. I have tried various medication over the years but they just seem to numb me, has any one had any experience with counselling I’m happy to go private if it helps. I don’t want to feel like this anymore and it’s getting harder and harder to keep putting a brave face on.
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Yes. And it worked for me.
Do it now!
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Well done for sharing this, its not an easy thing to do.
You are not alone, there’s always someone here or in your life that will listen to you.
Talk to us, talk to your friends, and talk to your GP to access the support you need.
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I highly recommend counselling. Meds only deal with symptoms as it were, they never stop the route cause. For some people it’s just fucked brain chemistry, but even in those cases, counselling can help give you a better toolbox for dealing with issues as they come up.
This is who I see (via Zoom), and she’s extremely good: https://melissadunlop.com/
I would definitely say from experience that not all therapists are of the same quality, and there are varying approaches, so don’t be afraid to change if things aren’t working out with with a particular person.
Edit: meds in psychiatry seem to be far more luck than judgement. How effectively they work and what side effects present can be hugely variable from person to person, and there seems to be little way of knowing how any given individual is going to respond. I certainly don’t envy prescribers their position in that regard, must be very frustrating.
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I know it’ll sound trite as fuck but if you don’t already, do something physical - walking, jogging, cycling, gym, whatever. Not to become mr fitness, but to work some of it out physically. It helps me
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