If you want to repair some valves before I stick a bottle of fizz in it, you’re more than welcome Graeme.
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It might just be one of those shitty microwaves that doesn’t defrost things properly and can’t heat beans reliably.
Those are the only two uses for a microwave, as any sensible person knows.
Destroy and replace.
Donald Trumps head would be my preference.
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Not sure a exploding pea sized brain is going to be that exciting
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It won’t blow it up I don’t think, but you can do the “generate plasma with grapes” thing.
I’d blow up all microwaves, they have no place in a kitchen 
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Why not?
And if you want to make a quality / not proper cooking comment, just bear in mind that this guy used them in his 3 Michelin Starred kitchen:
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I’m clearly just venting my own dislike 
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That’s fine. But you dislike bacon sandwiches.
I don’t dislike them, I just choose not to eat them 
Popcorn has entered the chat
Ah, yes.
You wait patiently for the corn to start popping, and 5 seconds later you have a bag of coal.
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The paint finish inside has started to come off, otherwise it still nukes.
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Scrambled eggs (don’t burn-on/easier washing-up) and that forgotten cup of tea that went cold are also demanding admission…
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Poor craftsman always blames his tools 
Not with you on the scrambled eggs
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Absolute. Fucking. Legend.
The man who got me into food as a passion rather than just sustenance.
There are kits to turn a microwave in to a kiln for pottery.
Outside of that just look up making plasma balls in a microwave.
Or finally take out local drones with one:
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Always.
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