Hells Bells! Thanks for the pointers off to B&Q now.
have you got a local Pets at Home?
Z&M started with one of these climbing frame things with builtin bed:
2016-10-11_05-06-17 by uh_simon, on Flickr
it wasnāt really tall enough for them, so I raised it up off the ground by putting 4 legs on it.
then to keep them entertained some more and they kept fighting over the bed, so I built a floor to ceiling climbing pole, from a plastic drain pipe and some sisal rope with a bed/shelf at ceiling height - you can see the top here:
and you can see the bottom here:
20181029_110950[63075] by uh_simon, on Flickr
the rope runs the full length of the drain pipe from floor to just about door frame height.
Get her a basket, and put it in a quiet room near a radiator. if you are lucky youāll get some peace
20170110_191207 by uh_simon, on Flickr
at least you donāt have twoā¦ā¦
20170104_195540 by uh_simon, on Flickr
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I can see your experience of high class hotels has enabled you to provide the cat equivalent. Ziggy and Marley must be in heaven, no wonder they always look so pleased with themselves 
Edit: we do have a Pets at Home, I shall investigate, cheers.
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it was more a case of protecting our stuff and curtains. It became apparent very quickly, after one night at home, that if we didnāt give them beds and toys, then havoc would ensure.
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pesky thieving cats
Marley steals pens and pencils - we found a stash of about 7 pens/pencils under our bed that went missing from various places around the house over a period of a few weeks. It was only after weād had several discussions that went:
S: Where is that blue pen
L: I donāt know I havenāt seen it
S: Have you tidied it away
L: No, you must have lost itā¦ā¦ā¦
After about 5 repeats of the above, we realised something was amiss and went searchingā¦ā¦.
Keeping them locked inside the house is the problem. Cats need to establish and maintain their territory, which can be surprisingly big.
I appreciate youāre worried about them being catnapped if they go outside, but keeping them locked up in a modest house is just cruel.
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not according to my vet
I think you need to preceed that statement, with āsomeā.
We have rescued, and kept many cats over the years, and most were very happy to venture outside occasionaly, and only a few were roamers.
The important thing is to keep them exercised and entertained.
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Iām not a cat expert, but weāve had loads of them and they all liked to go outside, not really sure how far they roamed, but if vids on the 'net of cats with cameras are anything to go by, then they often range over a surprisingly long distance.
I know Simonās cats are loved and want for nothing, but I canāt help feeling that if they were allowed outside to let off steam, there would potentially be less damage inside.
Edit. Perhaps I was hasty saying it is cruel - I suppose if the cats havenāt known anything different, then they might not know what theyāre missing. But havenāt I seen pictures of them longingly looking out of the windows?
We knew from day one that Squeaky was going to roam. Heās part Siamese and when denied access to the big wide world, would become quite destructive. He was also a complete pain in the arse.
Cat flap fitted and he is an absolute joy. Living in a rural village helps as he has access to fields and a farm. He hates cars and machinery of any type, so keeps well clear of the dangerous stuff.
Heās very adventurous and is known by people in extremes of the village. He doesnāt roam as much now as he is getting older but keeping him inside just seems like a punishment.
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What did your catsā vet say?
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lounging sofa takeover - dunno where Louise is going to sit!
20190308_100017 by uh_simon, on Flickr
sleeping Ziggy
20190308_101450 by uh_simon, on Flickr
2019-03-10_01-54-02 by uh_simon, on Flickr
2019-03-11_07-34-32 by uh_simon, on Flickr
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Youngest cat has started to take up residence in my room. Here he is lulled to sleep by a bit of LCD Soundsystem.
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