It’s the woke war on Christmas 
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Loving the forensic detail of pulling these frauds apart.
Surprised new Scotland Yard hasn’t come here for advice
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The traditional F&M is not ‘fun sized’ or deviant in nature - it does however still not transcend in the way @murrayjohnson 's ‘Guypie’ manages so effortlessly on a yearly basis
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That has the look about it of something half-heartedly striving in the general direction of ‘Adequacy’, but without much real commitment… 
… still a shop bought pie. It’s saving grace being it;s apparent familiarity with an oven. The filling is well spiced, the fruit plump and the ‘mouthfeel’ mildly pleasureable. Like all shop pies it’s not the disolving butter fueled mouthgasm that can only come from the expert home made secret ingredient variety.
I don’t even…
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Still better than Heston Bloominmarvelous.
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Definitely worth taking to a xmas bake off,and put them in a Kipling box. 
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Wife:________ ‘at work is really into mince pies. He’s tried all of the supermarket ones and says these are the best, here he gave me this to give to you.’…
Me: oh he did, did he? Let me tell you something about ____ the man and his Iceland pie are cunts . His taste and motives here are questionable indeed !
Stomping out in search of a decent pie with heavy heart and sinking hope I happened onto this
Actual pastry, clearly familiar with an oven but how will it taste? Will it all go to shit? Will the mouthfeel headbut itself or squirm with joy ? …. I will report back in 5 once the warm through is complete
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You are 4 late 
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Trying to compose…Apples. Induvidually, fine. In acceptable doses there’s a place for em in mince meat but 50% ! 50% fucking %!!!
I had high hopes all of which lie chewed on the floor, much like my dreams or an NVA amp. Tonight I will howl cunt a the moon.
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Fear not. Tomorrow, the month of December begins & I can consider making pies.
Will need to buy more butter.
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Likewise next Sunday at mine you will have a homemade pie to try.
I am considering a little bit of rogue so bring your strictly voting cards with you
If I get the chance, I’ll make some to bring with me.
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A dance off to match, excellent
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Channel your inner Heston…
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Shake this stinking thinking off imediately Sir.
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The dastard
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