The godforsaken annual pie thread.
I shouldn’t be eating them, which has made me more resentful, and after last year’s deviant hypocrisy in the south west, that is saying something. But I have to say, at times, I was laighing so much I was struggling to breathe! 
Lets have at it!
Unusually for me, I went early this year buying a pack of these from Lidl & trying to see whether I could get a tolerable texture from the claggy case with an air fryer left with us by FoL2.
In short, no. Either cold or heated the pastry was still soft, damp & claggy even after 5 minutes in the pre-warmed fryer at 200C. The last one went into the conventional oven but even if the pastry got crisped up a bit it still had no flavour. None, not even a hint of salt or sweetness. Nothing. The filling was incredibly bland too.
Even when we get to December, avoid. There will be far better shop bought pies than these.
What do you expect? No good will ever come from scoffing OctoberPies. Shame on you.
I think they might have been September pies when I bought them. I blame the drugs I was on at the time. Inexcusable though.
I fail to comprehend the need to forgo pleasure (By pastry or conniption) in the name of a Jewish chippy. Under scrutiny I don’t believe there is a parable about thou shalt not eat plump spiced fruits and pastry so this ‘tradition’ is perfectly marketing-man made. Only the Kentish conform.
Mince pies. In October. You fucking barbarians. Have you no decorum? (Rhetorical question)
Have a poo 
Greggs already have them, nom.
On the matter of pastry.
What exactly is the prevailing clag putty ‘pastry’ of shop bought pies? I mean what the fuck is it? I asked AI because it has all the answers to life:
sweet shortcrust—basically a sweetened, high-fat shortcrust that’s closer to pâte sablée (sandy, biscuit-like) than to a crisp, flaky pastry.
AI being everyone’s best friend went on to suggest:
" Look for: “all-butter shortcrust”, no palm/shortening, lower sugar near the top of the ingredients list, and higher flour-to-fat ratios. Those usually eat crisper - less like shortbread."
Ergo, you can’t complain about clag when you want to turn all pastry into paté. 
Sigh…
So few posts ITT yet already SO much Rong!
Only masochism and self-loathing brings me here.
And pies. “Ready-ruined for your Worthless Suffering!”
Thanks, supermarkets
You want ban?
Let him make a fool of himself first, with his annual pie/cream abomination-championing.
Let him be an example to all - a figure of ridicule, and pity…
With each passing year, the flame of hope is dashed by the ignorant waters of the flat-lands and parts of Kent. Food MAGA chew champions hell bent on grinding bits of calcium together in some bovine ritual they believe is the right and proper way. (Even though the process is far inferior in blending textures and ingredients administered by a good forking)
Ahh but God gave us teeth they cry - He gave you nipples too and you do fuck all with those (apart from Sodders who as we know can make sin out of thin air let alone a nipple.)
Observe if you will
This is where shop bought pies are heading - The Viennese mince pie dissolves at the slightest glance, leaving an artificial sweetness capable of straightening a mans pubes. The lid is the same shit as the case. Sell by dates run into years - What is in this shit and why, why do they call pastry.?
Furious - and it’s only October..
I’m updating my previous post.
You can’t complain about anything pie related because you turn them into paté.
