Please elaborate.
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I have been struggling with this thread all day. My near death experiences, one where I was inches from death and particularly one where I could have killed someone else are not something I can talk about because they were so unbelievably irresponsible. I have never discussed them with anyone else, maybe I should… I have nightmares about them periodically and although they aren’t always completely literal, when I wake up I’m always absolutely sure of what they were about. I sincerely hope that my children don’t get up to the frankly stupid shit that I did. I don’t have any bravado about them, only shame and a deep seated anxiety.
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Me too. A lot of posts seem to be more an admission of acting like a dick.
I’ve got plenty of those experiences in my past.
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Answering your own unspoken question there my friend. A little professional counselling should loosen the grip of those demons. We all do dumb stuff.
Always the Hard Man, eh Paul?
Never.
I don’t do that shit
Oh, I’ve done that! I guess that these incidents were as much a symptom of my early life as the more obvious things that I COULD talk about. I could never discuss this stuff though. I can barely admit responsibility to myself.
Sounds like it might help at some point to talk about them, let them go and forgive yourself.
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You probably did. It’s only looking back as an old, past-it, waste-of-space that I realise all the fucking stupid dangers I got in the way of. Certainly no bravery was involved.
That’s a heavy load man. Like the yanks say “you are carrying a coffin”. Hope you can set that down someday.
C’mon man, the toenail shit was a joke. Maybe badly timed in view of you opening up, but that’s all it was.
If it offended you, I apologise.
I’m not offended when I don’t understand the point being made. Probably a touch of autism.
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Psychologically, I guess I’m lucky that I’m able to hold my hands up and face the fact that I’ve been a dick. I am often regaling colleagues with stories of my own stupidity. Most of the dangerous incidents (and there are more than I have already posted), have been from me putting myself in places I shouldn’t have been. Driving too fast, drugs, drink, (sometimes all at the same time), just being a cunt etc, aren’t badges of honour, they are who I was/am.
These errors of judgement are a large part of what has made me more risk averse.
I’m still far from perfect, I can still be found driving too fast, but the influence these days is more stress driven. I can still try to be funny and hurt people inadvertently.
BUT I self analyse these days, and realise almost straight away that I’ve fucked up. My job requires that I don’t take risks with other’s lives. Even so, mistakes happen. There is no perfection.
This is an awkward way of saying that as a feeling, caring human, I sometimes feel guilt for my stupidity but, apart from going over it in my head and analysing what I did, I don’t punish myself too much.
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oh aeroplanes…in a previous life I spent about a decade taking 50 to 60 flights a year. A Kuwait Airways flight from Kuwait to Bahrain taking off into a storm (no further flights left Kuwait after us for about 6 hours). Bumpy as hell on the 737, I dont think I had ever been on a full flight where all the passengers were silent. To this day I can still hear the click-click of worry beads being fondled. We get to Bahrain, after 4 go arounds the crew make the final approach, bounce multiple times on the runway, get hit by a side gust, get blown off the runway into the grass apron. The ground was so wet the nose wheel dug in…we were unharmed, and got out of the plane through emergency exits.
A year later, same flight, same airline, but no storm. Towards the end of the flight, the cabin started to fill with smoke…an oven in the galley was on fire. I have never experienced such a fast descent to get a plane on the ground.
I did a lot of work in the Gulf States, after a hard day at work in Dubai Exhibition centre my mate (the same mate who I was sat next to on the above flights) said lets go to XYZ pub. There were three ways to get to the pub; a taxi (traffic was heavy), a long walk and a short cut work (apparently only known by my mate)…which as I discovered involved crossing the Dubai equivalent of the 4 lane M25. Having got to the central reservation successfully little traffic in that direction in the rush hour. It took us 20 minutes to cross the other carriageway, we were shitting ourselves looking for gaps in 70mph traffic…I genuinely thought we were going to die…
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I did the thing with crossing bad traffic a couple of years ago. A14 NW of Cambridge. Only 2 lanes each way, and with an offset barrier gap and a safe place to stand on the central reservation. The problem was the speed limit (40mph ? 50mph ?) imposed for roadworks. This bunched all the traffic. The slightly larger gaps were in front of wagons. They were still too small for a clear crossing, so I had to wait until there was a wagon in the nearer lane with one slightly behind it in the further one. Then launch myself in front of the first wagon and hope that I arrived at the further lane just as the gap there did. I waited 10-15 minutes for the right alignment and then went for it, knowing that neither wagon would have any chance of stopping. It worked out (obviously).
VB
If I was you I’d have been too embarrassed to tell other people that you very nearly killed someone due to your own dangerous driving.
Everyone needs to slow down in the wet.
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I’m on the same page as Ritchie on this one. Been to the brink more times than I care to remember… all the way, and had a very good look. But none of the incidents reflect well on me, nor do I wish to add to the already uncomfortable (to me) number of people who are already aware of the details. Some things are best left in history… but death and I have well and truly looked each other in the eye, and on some levels, that’s something I’ve gained from, if not simply by realising I need to calm the fuck down and reign myself in. There’s literally not a day goes by that these moments don’t flash through my awareness and make me shudder…
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Thats when all that training kicks in.
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I have my own share of these. However, the thing that haunts me was completely out of my control.
My liver tumour was misdiagnosed as a cyst. It was drained in March 2015 (just prior to the last real Scalford) and promptly filled up again. I was scheduled to have it drained again (despite my GP and I pointing out my history of cancer I never saw an oncologist). The day procedure was cancelled so my family were in Spain when I finally had the second drain. It went horribly wrong. I was left on heavy painkillers and sent home. The following morning (a Saturday) I woke up in agony and was re-admitted via ambulance to hospital, 24 hours admission, sent home Sunday night with painkillers. I woke up screaming and was readmitted via ambulance Monday morning, and was in ICU for 3 days at the Royal Liverpool. I’ve never experienced pain like it. Morphine didn’t touch it so they used pethadine.
Some days later I was transferred to Aintree to be told that I had an acute Kidney injury and perotinitis and had been touch and go on my first day in ICU. I don’t remember much until more until I was told I my cancer had returned and metathesised to my liver. I was then transferred to Clatterbridge Cancer Centre where it took three weeks in hospital to recover from all the other collateral damage.
I thought about suing but really, what is the point? I still have sleepless nights about how helpless I was and what a near miss it was. All the other stupid things I did to nearly kill myself pale in comparison.
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Puts most of the thread in perspective, Ólan.
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Wasn’t meant to. I did a lot of rock climbing at University. I used to really like climbing sea cliffs, particularly the cliffs of Moher on the Clare coast of Ireland near the town of Kilkee. Some of what we did was daft on faces like this:
Still gives me the feckin’ shivers now. I can’t go close to cliff edges any more. BUT, we were in control of our choices even if we were stupid. I was trying to explain the contrast when it is someone else’s stupidity/lack of care that nearly does you in.
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When I was 15 I tried to abseil out of our 40ft willow tree using a carabina made from copper pipe and a harness made from a dressing gown cord. It snapped and I fell 20ft onto a picnic table breaking it in half and knocking myself out cold for a few hours.
At school ran underneath the flat bed of an artic lorry while it was moving for a dare.
When I was 21 got dumped by a girlfriend got very drunk and crashed my car at high speed into a bridge, flipped the car over the bridge and it landed on the roof in the stream, loads of branches had come through the sunroof but by a miracle missed me.
Got shot at in NI and had a lump of bullet shrapnel in my thigh, medic said it was 2cm away from the artery and considering we were out in the sticks at the time I would have died had it been cut.
Had a car accident 12 years ago where I hit a drunk woman at 70mph who was stood in the fast lane of the A34, she came through the windscreen (well half of her did as the car cut her in two) but hit the passenger seat missing me, just about managed to control the car and stop.
Last year while surfing in Croyde took on a very big wave and got it wrong, board leash snapped and I was tumbled underwater for a good while, that was horrible as I kept getting hit by waves and taken under. I came very close to drowning there and was the first time I have been genuinely scared shitless.
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