The Swiss Army Knife of cunts, a-cunt-for-every-occasion, a cunting-man’s cunt: and you are not fit to polish the shoes of the cunt that polishes my nasty-ass cunty-shoes 
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Been shoe shopping with Simon again?
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Oh, the stories I could tell from this arena.
“I am but a humble collector and you and I share the same passion and I would never ever sell it so you should give me a massive discount off an already very low price” etc. etc.
A few years ago I effectively gave a guy in a watch deal a significant amount of money in the name of an easy life.
Sure enough he’s back a while later “Oh noes it’s all wrong, I’m gutted”.
Very sorry about that - just send it back and I’ll refund everything including postage.
Oh noes, I was after a partial refund (i.e. keep the watch but get an even larger, further discount)
It turned out that the thick spunkbubble had been discussing it online with his mates for literally a week, using the same handle as he was using to talk to me. So Google pointed this out almost instantly.
They’d all agreed that the watch was fine. But he’d just decided to tell a pack of lies and get it even cheaper.
He didn’t like it when i sent him a link to his own babbling. And still tried to protest that he was somehow in the right.
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fucking OUCH! You said you wouldn’t mention that here 
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A massive haymaker to the funsack for Wipsnade Zoo for their shitty paths. Visited them on Sunday and turned my ankle walking down the ramp to get from the car park to the entrance. Got the first aider out who put an ice pack on it and fucked off and we then had to pay an extra 25 quid to bring the car in or write off the money we’d paid to get in already.
Ankle still fucking hurts. Wankers.
If they were actually in some way at fault/negligent, get on to the ambulance-chasers and wring the fuckers out.
They weren’t at fault, they just provided a ramp for the physically disabled that foiled the mentally incompetent.
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A Trump ramp?
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Effort. Can’t be arsed.
This scam was actually on our local news last week and is, apparently, on the rise.
Any fans of Ian McNabb/The Icicle Works may not want to check out his alter ego ‘Chairman Boots’ on Arsebook. What a prick. My ticket for his rearranged gig is likely to go unused.
I have no idea how to sort out my tax affairs.
My income and expenses are very simple - I get employment income, a few taxable benefits on that, I get ESA and I give money to charity. That’s it.
However, I can’t make head nor tail of what is going on with my tax codes. HMRC sends a BR (basic rate) tax code to DWP, who then don’t bother to deduct tax. DWP also don’t bother to tell HMRC that they have paid me any money or that they haven’t deducted tax.
HMRC have tried to get round this by shoving the ESA income into my employment tax code, but they cannot actually show what is in that tax code or send me a summary of it. I don’t know whether they made an adjustment for last year or not.
I can’t update my charitable donations anywhere, so they seem to be stuck in an assumption that it’s about a fifth of what it actually is.
I don’t know if I’m meant to get a refund or pay full higher rate tax on my ESA. I suspect it’s the latter, but I am genuinely not sure.
Thing is, I’m an accountant. I am meant to understand this kind of stuff but the information that I can ascertain from them is entirely inadequate. I have no idea what they are doing, and it’s abundantly clear that they don’t either.
So anyway, a cockpunch to both HMRC and DWP for utter ineptitude.
As per most govt ineptitude, it means that mistakes are your fault. Even when they aren’t , it’ll be up to you to prove it.
Cunt punch to the woman who started an argument, when i wouldn’t let her join Louise and I in the lift in the hotel. She ranted when I said she wasn’t in our social bubble, so i wasn’t happy for her to join us on our ride to the 6th floor.
When she (she was pissed), said she could join our social bubble and Louise replied “get your kit off”, she wasn’t best pleased. Luckily at that point the lift doors slid shut…
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A massive cunt punt to all the “talking heads” moaning about their holiday inconvenience.
Stop bleating you selfish fucks !
Take ownership of your own pathetic impatience.
You chose to go on holiday during a pandemic.
You were aware that Covid restrictions were fluid.
You chose to go abroad.
You chose to pay exorbitant prices for flights to get home early.
It was your choice, so stop whining that it’s not fair !
You rolled the dice and got Craps ! Get over it.
*And who cares what Scotland and/or Wales are forcing returnees to do ? You live in Engerland. They are the only rules you need to follow. IT’S NOT CONFUSING !
*Also applies to the Welshish and Scotchish.
There are plenty of “real” issues to get upset about.
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I know of someone who very recently took their family to Zante. Needless to say, they have since fallen ill and tested positive for Covid-19.
So now the entire family has to isolate, while the kids miss the first 2 weeks of school.
Eejit parents.
It properly boils my piss when we were planning to go to Oz in 10 days. This trip meant more to us than I can possibly explain. Some know why. But we understood the situation and canceled.
This (along with another issue) has broken me.
The sheer selfishness of these fucks is unfathomable.
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For the time being, I have adopted the B. A. Baracus attitude to flying: I ain’t getting on no plane.
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