The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of reposts of reposts
'tis the dreaded handwritten prescription encryption.
Roughly translated it reads, 1x ground glass enema to be administered three times a day using Swarfega and sand as a lubricant.
The bloke who claimed to have written that ‘joke’ got 20 years at the Pendle Witch Trials for peddling product that was clearly past it’s sell-by date by hundreds of years…
Meh, you’re confusing me with someone who gives a toss…
Another forum strapline right there
Unnecessary extra words deleted.
Anyway cuntface…how come It’s always me and my bruv’s jokes that are on the receiving end of your witless critique…you must have a thing for us I reckon
Ooooh, get you with the aggro and the sexual innuendo!
Two Irish lad’s sat in a pub.
One is drinking normal Guinness and the other the new “alcohol free Guinness”.
What’s it like said the lad drinking the normal stuff?
"Well, it’s like going down on your Sister.
It tastes the same…
…but it just isn’t right!"
Not unless he was incognito down the pub tonight.
I’ll try to keep up.
You didn’t happen to see someone in a Santa outfit did you?
Well he had a cape, so I suppose at counts.
Right then, this is utter shite:
The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”
Yes, she says, “I remember it well.”
OK, he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”
“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in… Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”
Staying with the utter shite:
Wife: Does this dress make my arse look big…
Me: You promise not to get mad? No matter what I say?
Me: I shagged your sister…