Went to the sperm clinic earlier.
The lady asked if I’d like to masturbate in the cup?
I said ‘I’m good but not ready for competition yet’
Old but still one of the best 
Hmmm, where have I seen this before 
Punchline was a bit of a letdown after all that buildup 
wrapped up as a birthday present with your name on?
That would be just cruel, to dangle a cheque in my face that is never going to get cashed 
(Nicked that from the email this was sent to me in)The man who invented autocorrect has passed away.
May he roast in piss.
Two fish were in a tank. One says to the other “How do I drive this thing?”
That joke used to start like this: “A Chariot driver picks up a Vestal Virgin…”