Terry, words fail me. Here is a picture instead:
.
Love the Queens face.
My uncle once told me the first rule of theatre is always leave them wanting moreā¦
Great blokeā¦
Terrible anaesthetistā¦
FIXT
Fixt??? Feck off, that was so old and dilapidated there was no fixing it, short of sending in the vet to put it out of our misery.
My dad gave me some advice a few years ago.
He said, āIf you ever get into a fight in the pub, just take a ball from the pool table and put it in your sock.ā
Worst advice ever, I could hardly run.
At the funeral of one of the āmost effectiveā traffic wardens in the country, the coffin was being lowered into the ground.
Suddenly, a voice could be heard coming from inside the coffin: āIām not dead, Iām not dead! Let me out!ā
The officiating vicar smiled, leaned forward and sucked air through his teeth.
āToo fucking late, mate. Iāve already done the paperwork.ā
Isnāt that what his, now deceased, half brother was doing?
The Highways Agency found over two hundred dead crows on the M4 near Slough recently, and there was immediate concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyoneās relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts.
However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birdās beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
ā¦ They discovered that whilst all the lookout crows could shout āCah!ā - not a single one could shout āLorry!ā
Could we have a neg rep button please?
Fixt in the context of some recent efforts in this excess of excrescence masquerading as a shit joke threadā¦
Fuck you ! Itās all you deserve 
Oooh we are a bit touchy tonight arenāt we? That kind of thing wonāt go down well at the grotto 
. How do you know it was your ājokeā I was referring to? You are not all overcome with guilt about it, are you?
(you fucking should be)
I knew it was a shit joke. 'Tis why it appeared in this thread 