I’ve just had a new thesaurus delivered from eBay. On opening it I found all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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Pretty much sums up the Torygraph. Written by cunts, for, cunts and about cunts. Beggars belief what an utter rag that paper is.
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Sadly, probably, stable, horse, bolt, door
This. Not sure that artificial insemination would be feasible. Likely to be fucking dangerous to find out.
Anyway, I didn’t think looming extinction was something to laugh about.
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^^^^^this
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The bottom of the barrel is fast approaching 
Fuck, i actually smiled 
I apologise for that. I was aiming for the maggoty earth that the bottom of the barrel usually stands upon.
Your ambition is admirable, however your execution is merely adequate 
Amazing that I could underachieve with a joke that shit. Oh well…
I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
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Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
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I thought mine was bad, that is weapons-grade dross!
I surrender. Please stop…
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We’re now excavating underneath the barrel - shuttering is in place, and I fully expect to hit the water table before the night is out…
Here ya go @Mrs_Maureen_OPinion, this’ll moisten yer gusset.
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Fuck me, start building the cofferdam 
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Disqualified I’m afraid. That is just some words on a black background. Even the most easily pleased red-necked simpleton can find no toehold for flickering spasms of amusement here…