Thanks olan, I was struggling for a link to the thread that showed it.
The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of shit from Twitter
as in M != matter
Driving home yesterday evening, I stopped and picked up a hitchhiker.
He seemed a little surprised and asked why I would do that. “I could be a serial killer, or something,” he said.
I told him the chances of two serial killers being in the same car were astronomically small.
= 1/(astronomically large)
I’m A February
One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his motorbike in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally said, “I’ve just been thinking, now that we’re married, maybe it’s time you think about spending less of your time out here. You probably should also consider selling your bike and all your welding equipment along with your fishing gear, the boat and get rid of all those stupid model planes, plus dump that vintage sports car and your home brewing equipment …”
Tom had a horrified look on his face.
She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?"
He replied, “There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
“Ex-wife!?” she screamed, “YOU NEVER TOLD YOU’D BEEN MARRIED BEFORE!"
Tom replied, “I haven’t…"
Jeeeesus @jim, that is pretty poor.
This is just as bad, if not worse:
My girlfriend came in today with a sad look on her face:
“I can tell I’m putting on weight” she sighed, “will it change anything between us?”
“Don’t be daft, you’ll always look the same size to me” I said.
“Ahh babe” she gushed, “do you really mean that?”
“Of course” I said, “the bigger you get, the further away I’ll be.”
As the Ringmaster said when the human cannonball was leaving the circus,
“Where am I going to get another man of your calibre”
Young Ones 1982