The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of shit from Twitter




I opened the front door this morning and could have sworn I saw Suggs walking up my driveway.

Apparently its the first sign of Madness.








in my youth we’d been talking to a London hospital some years back about a data collection system to streamline updating bed availability and allocation. We’d been given the Big Tour and seen all the wards with serious amounts of boxen and blinken lighten.

We were doing the handshake bit at the end, standing near the door of a perfectly ordinary ward; no boxen, no blinken lighten, just rows of oldish guys in beds. While I was looking, one of the guys at the far end leaped out of bed and started loudly declaiming the Ode to the Haggis. One by one the other old guys joined in until almost the whole ward was doing it.

I asked our guide what that had all been about and was it some kind of psychiatric ward.
“No” he said. “It’s the Serious Burns Unit.”







My mate has 2 tickets for the England vs Sweden game on Saturday.

He didn’t realise that it’s going to be the same day as his wedding, so he can’t go. If you’re interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at Fram Church, her name is Jane and she’s a half decent cook


My son has already come up with the Sun headline for when England win: Sweden sour

Jeez, I helped make him…


Chips, blocks etc :laughing:


Phone The Sun now - I hear they’re hiring a new sub




The waitress said, “are you ready to order?”

“My wife is in the ladies, “ I said

“Do you know what she’s having?”

“Well she’s been gone 10 minutes so probably a shit.”