The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of shit from Twitter


#1535

Awwww diddums. Do you need a hug?*

I’m having a tough time dealing with how shit that joke was. Pete probably should give himself a week in the naughty corner for inflicting further misery upon us.

Looking on the bright side, at least it wasn’t an @jim special delivery. Nobody needs that…

:slightly_smiling_face:

*Get to fuck if you do.


#1536

More like.


#1537


#1538


#1539


#1540

image


#1541


#1542

I just asked Alexa to fart for me. She tells me “believe it or not there is no gas in the cloud”


#1543

There is in mine :stuck_out_tongue:


#1544

Pervert.

VB


#1545

Even if it worked, where’s the satisfaction :thinking:


#1546

Tricking Alexa into a shart would be clever and mildly amusing if it was not your device.


#1547

Siri replied “no comment”

Janbald is looking at me in a strange way.


#1548


#1549

While suspended from Parliament for accepting a £100K holiday from the Sri Lankan Government, Ian Paisley decided to go for an (all-expenses paid) holiday in Egypt. On his first day he decided he would go for a swim down the Nile.

The locals warned him not to because of all the crocodiles. “Don’t worry”, explained Paisley, “I’ll be fine”, much to the local’s surprise. “How can you know you’ll be fine Mr Paisley?”, the locals asked. He turned round and showed them his t-shirt which said “I love the pope” on the back. “The crocodiles aren’t going to swallow that one” he explained (cuntishly).

:unamused:

Ulster should say ‘NO’ to this kind of joke…


#1550


#1551

My wife said “Sex is better when on holiday.”

It wasn’t the best postcard I’ve received…


#1552


#1553

Kings Crustacean

Meant to only post picture


#1554