The return of shit joke thread (incorporating the humour toilet) and mainly reposts of shit from Twitter


Awwww diddums. Do you need a hug?*

I’m having a tough time dealing with how shit that joke was. Pete probably should give himself a week in the naughty corner for inflicting further misery upon us.

Looking on the bright side, at least it wasn’t an @jim special delivery. Nobody needs that…


*Get to fuck if you do.


More like.








I just asked Alexa to fart for me. She tells me “believe it or not there is no gas in the cloud”


There is in mine :stuck_out_tongue:





Even if it worked, where’s the satisfaction :thinking:


Tricking Alexa into a shart would be clever and mildly amusing if it was not your device.


Siri replied “no comment”

Janbald is looking at me in a strange way.



While suspended from Parliament for accepting a £100K holiday from the Sri Lankan Government, Ian Paisley decided to go for an (all-expenses paid) holiday in Egypt. On his first day he decided he would go for a swim down the Nile.

The locals warned him not to because of all the crocodiles. “Don’t worry”, explained Paisley, “I’ll be fine”, much to the local’s surprise. “How can you know you’ll be fine Mr Paisley?”, the locals asked. He turned round and showed them his t-shirt which said “I love the pope” on the back. “The crocodiles aren’t going to swallow that one” he explained (cuntishly).


Ulster should say ‘NO’ to this kind of joke…



My wife said “Sex is better when on holiday.”

It wasn’t the best postcard I’ve received…



Kings Crustacean

Meant to only post picture