It’s gone Pasteur the point of no return…
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We need Thora Hird to defrost this thread, we’re well pasture best contributions .
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Might have to buy this tee-shirt.
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A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife, “Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there’s something I have to know. In all these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, “Well, Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?’”
Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker, and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”
Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”
“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”
“Alright,” Martha said. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”
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Or a festival 
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,
“Give the Ballerina a drink!”
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down in one. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?” Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and boomed, “Give the Ballerina another drink!”
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, “I say, old chap, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the Ballerina?'”
“As far as I’m concerned,” the drunk replied, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a Ballerina!”
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Ooof !
Indeed!
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Music loving lady gets tattoos of her two favourite artists, Elvis on her right thigh and John Lennon on her left.
So excited to show them off she raises her skirt to a local wino and asks “Is that not the spitting image of Elvis on the right?”
“Pretty good lady”, says the drunk.
“And the left, is that not John Lennon?”, she further inquires.
“Sure, I guess, tell ya what though, the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath, that’s gotta be Willie Nelson”
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Fckin bit late in telling folk, I can’t get a flight till Thursday,
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Not as funny as Ben Volpeliere-Pierot name and silly cap.
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'sake!
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