Useless Gits Thread

As there seems to be an inordinate amount of talented Abbattoirists, I feel it my duty stick up for those of us (or maybe it’s just me) who are fucking useless at just about everything.

My one saving grace however is I am good at drinking wine - which in my mind at least - makes up for the lack of any other talents.

Chin chin :wine_glass:


me too - cheers! :grin:

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After 54 years on this planet,i’m now pretty good at dunking biscuits into coffee.

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I am even useless at drinking wine :weary:

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I was rather too good at it :persevere:


I used to be a useless cunt but now, in the post-truth world, I’m fucking awesome.

Still a cunt though.

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In the last month I have managed to break two Dell laptops and my Lenovo tablet … I blame Microsoft naturally :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

I hear you guys probably a bit too good at the wine drinking myself.

I’m shit at my job but they’ve yet to notice.


Actually I’m generally shit at life.

Apart from drinking wine, I’m awesome at that, really fucking awesome.

Yeah, unfortunately drinking wine is my evolutionary pinnacle too. Oh, and spouting ballocks; I’m pretty good at that

DIY, plumbing, anything electrical, car maintenance, operating a mobile phone, satisfying a sexual partner, talking to poeple without them losing the will to live etc, etc are all way too difficult for me.
I’d try suicide but no doubt I’d fail at that as well.:worried:

I’m fucking awesome at trolling football threads though.:smile:


I’m rubbish at drinking wine these days. I can just about manage Yorkshire Tea, but that is so useless a skill as to be hardly worth mentioning. When I was yellow I used to be very good at hiding in a field of daffodils. Now I am back to my normal colour I am useless at even that.

In fact, I only display excellence in my abject and utter uselessness. I feel this is something to be very proud of.



Changing a tyre on my car. Managed to break my big toe. It is a bit hurty.


You are supposed to jack the car up first.

Dropped the wheel on it as I was putting it back in car.
I shall very short telling my manager that I shall be staying at home with my feet up. He likes it when I tell him that.


I’ve tried to be good at selling old hifi gear but continue to fail at that. Everything else I range from meh to shite. Apart from making porridge. I like porridge.

I am useless at solving the complexities of the universe. I started out with 2a + b = x and still haven’t expanded on this as a proof of the Big Bang theory.

That and Bridge, apparently “fuck off you stupid cunt” isn’t a recognised form of gameplay in Bridge


Should be an interesting train journey :grin: