Aged mothers who won’t fucking well sit down and be waited on, but insist on “helping”. Last Xmas when my mum “helped” she “helped” a 100 year old willow pattern serving plate that belonged to Claires grandmother onto a tiled floor. How Claire didn’t murder her there and then still astounds me.
She’s been in the house for 5 hours now, 2 of which I spent in the pub as decompression from the 30 minute motorway trip bringing her here, and now I really wish I’d stayed there…
Feeling it.
Fucking Blu Tac. Cards stuck on the wallpaper keep dropping off taking paint with them. I have to redecorate every January. Crap stuff. Next year a hilti gun.
My usual provider of mince pies has let me down this year. They are normally close to perfection. This year they have soggy bottoms. Even soggier than mine.
Go Sainsbury’s posh ones
Two pins and a piece of string is what you need
Now we have #Radio4Dave, #Radio4evenmoreDavefromthe30’sonwards,
and #BBCTVassumingyou’veAlzheimers.
Must’ve listened too long. 
My wife received a lovely jug from a friend. Unfortunately it’s broken - it fell off the chair while they were in a restaurant.
Now she is going on line to order another, just so that she doesn’t have to tell her friend that she accidentally broke her gift.
Cockpunch to absurd protocol and British manners. Or something.
An undercooked sausage seems to have done for me this morning.
Went out last night and decided to cook some sausages with Chinese -style curry sauce.
Will pull myself around sharpish and get on the buck fizz. You betcha.
my Sister in law gave my small gift to my wife to bring home… my wife tried to give it to be earlier this week, I said keep it safe and give it to me on Xmas day… well… she can’t find it and is adamant she put it in the bin!!!
Life will not be the same without a G&T lip balm…,
Massive tit punch to my mother-in-law.
The single most ungrateful, spiteful old bastard I’ve ever met. Only happy when causing upset and misery to those around her.
And relax …
Nice
Give her a stiff gin before lunch and a couple of sneaky mogadons with her turkey.