Best of Local News


#121

On a downhill run towards an open fridge, or a cuntry slice, the Abbatoirist is capable of surprising bursts of speed (or flatulence). Speeds of over 50 mph have been recorded, but it is mandatory to wear safety socks with your sandals if you intend to do this.

Higher speeds have been recorded at a bakeoff when a particularly spicy chilli was served, but this led to unfortunate scorch marks on the socks (and other attire) of certain members. It is also rumoured that the world record indoor windspeed was recorded that day…


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#125

I once had the police round cos I was playing Careless Whisper too loud. It is not a moment I am very proud of tbh.
The policeman was very nice and gave me a lift to college though. Probably felt a bit sorry for me.


#126

By George! I think you’re taking the Michael.


#127

rong feckin thread :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:


#128

Good thing he wasn’t playing Last Christmas, could have been a much worse outcome.


#129

LOL. This is real.


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#132

Darwin Award right there


#133

Ouch. More thorough than a mere cockpunch.


#134

Only £500 for a testicle - people get more than that for faking whiplash.

Being Italian she probably thought it was meatball marinara.:grinning:


#135

Joke sentence handed down to the appropriately named del Viscio. IME, the Edinburgh courts don’t take domestic violence on men seriously. I suspect he’d be in jail for years had he bitten off her nipple during a drunken assault.


#136

#137

Shouldn’t mock the mentally ill, but wtf?


#138

[obvious] A fantasy/imagination isn’t sex with a ghost [/obvious]


#139

“Amethyst Realm, a spiritual guidance counsellor…”

QED… :wink:


#140

“I felt his presence” Fnarr