Wise man 
As above.
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Happy New Year to one and all. May 2018 be less shitty than 2017.
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It’s very strange people being nice. I hope all this jollity will be gone by tomorrow and normal service resumed.
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Mega congrats on the new arrival. Let the fun commence 
Happy New Year you miserable fuckers. Gonna consume a few more beers and take a stroll up Primrose Hill in a bit and watch the fireworks. Have a good one one and all.
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Happy New Year to all
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New year resolution: clean under your fingernails regularly…
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Well, our eldest just woke up with a 40 degree fever and vomited in the living room bin, so that’s my evening sorted 
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My wife has just done similar only without the fever and it isn’t our living room. 
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Ooh, that’s not a good look, Stu
Excuses include:
It was a bad prawn
I knew those crisps were dodgy
Did you have to scrape that dogshit from your shoe in front of me
euphemism, I presume
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Knock on next doors house for sugar
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Silence of the Lambs meets The Creature from the Black Lagoon
Terrifying
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It’s gonna be a bugger to shave tomorrow - but if you are in any doubt of her real intentions hide all ropes - and don’t let her call @Penance
Congratulations Neil - great news mate 
A happy New Year to all my fellow meat men - 2017 may have had it’s ups and downs but we still have a right good laugh and bitch better than Mumsnet.
Also, we still have better musical taste than any other cunts I know.
Lang may yer lum reek
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Have you got any hand cuffs? Let me now and I can pop a pair in the post