I sooo hope this is real…
I thought about a prog response there. Then I thought again …
VB
My domestic Antipodean has some cousins who make furniture commercially down under. We bought some very nice free-standing wardrobes from these cousins on the cheap. I was home alone when the stuff arrived. The one designated as mine contained a huntsman that was about 6 inches across (I kid you not it was fucking huge). I did the sensible thing and slammed the door of the wardrobe trapping the arachnid and left the bedroom in a dignified (and mostly unmoistened) fashion.
The wife arrived home and went to deal with the beastie (these shackledraggers are fearless) but it had vanished. We went to bed and woke the following morning to the sight of this huge spider on the cornice in the bedroom. Jackie dealt with it as I had a very urgent appointment in the bathroom at that very second. Thankfully there was no prog, or flutery involved or I would not be here today to entertain you with this tedious story.
The bird eating spider we saw in the Daintree was the stuff of nightmares too. Luckily it was excessively humid that day so I had been pre-moistened and was not therefore overcome by shame.
When I was 6 years old we were living in a newly built house in the 'burbs of Adelaide. I had my own pile of dirt with garages cut into it to keep my Matchbox cars. I went out to play there one day and as I retrieved a car from it’s “garage” a Huntsman ran out and up my arm !!!
I was very brave as I squealed like a bitch, while my uncle (7 years older) laughed his head off 
He teased me mercilessly for weeks. I started having nightmares about being attacked by spiders.
It all culminated when I woke up after another nightmare about a 20 foot tall Huntsman, only to be staring at a hairy, long legged cunt, that had decided to land on my pillow
I’ve barely been able to look at one since 
Feckin ozzy nancy boys afraid of a little spidey…sheesh…
You should catch the fuckers and deep fry them til they’re lovely and crisp 
No you should bravely run away. You can’t fry everything and eat it, although it is a worthy ambition.
I am told that ‘Nancy Boy’ is both politically incorrect and very out of date. The suggestion from my Antipodean advisor is that ‘Wendy’ is the current deadly insult that implies a limp wrist but meets all PC criteria.
Can someone translate this bit into English?
“…The second guy, a tradie in his ute had no rego and warned me about it…”
How very dare you 
I am NOT a tradie 
And I have never* owned a ute…
*well, hardly ever 
Sorry, it was the ute without rego that fooled me. Ubiquitous in SA I believe…
rego?
Registration = Road Tax Fund
Plays for the same Footy team as Davo and Tommo.
Spoilsport
Wendy isn’t that the Australian Rugby team? The Wendybies. 
I wouldn’t know. I have a greater contempt for Rubgbyists than Golfists