I’ve not been to an audio show for decades. I think the last one was the pork pie one where Maureen was showing off his system and told me to fuck off as soon as as I walked into his room as he needed lunch or a shit or something and was about to lock up.
Is there a secret meatman hand shake? Do I pin a pork chop to my lapel or something to be recognised or do I just lurk around the bar awkwardly trying to spot other medically improbable cunts like myself ordering warm beer.
That sounds like a nice gig. Oslo has a good vibe. Only been there once briefly, but I immediately thought, in some other life I could’ve really enjoyed living here.
Mods, please delete if this is sensitive information:
Before approaching a potential meat man, it’s wise to check the following criteria:
Girth: W38 and up.
Shoes: fucked beyond ironic
A generalized air of contempt, as though the world personally disappointed them in 1983.
(It’s about 50/50 on the hair-on-bonce vs. beard situation these days, so that’s no longer a reliable indicator. Meatioids set hairsuite trends.)
When approaching a meat man, beware: they are easily startled and may attempt judo (they attended several classes toward the end of the ’70s and have never emotionally left the dojo).
Never declare yourself as “from the forum,” as this may light the touchpaper of confusion between this forum and… other forums. A meat man will err on the side of caution and instantly peg you as a “wrong ’un.”
The best approach is to keep your pockets stuffed with nibbles. A meat man will sniff these out of their own accord. Do not make sudden movements. Maintain shifty eye contact, — think “eye of the tiger.”
Always greet them with a firm and immediate “you bastard" or better still "cunt,” a nice robust term of endearment. If you appear too polite, they will sense weakness, which may result in humiliation and/or a Judo demonstration (See above).
