âDelicious semis, get your horrifying plant-based semis here!â
From âStreetcries of Olde London, 2020â
Iâm so in two minds about asking what on Earth you were searching for to find that picture 
cock, mostly, duh!
Thatâs like those ârun a successful business from homeâ stickers on the side of a knackered 16year old Corsa van
After showing her this - Ann: âwhatâs a semiâ
Of course, she wouldnât know, would she.
Because you always take Viagra?
Whatâs viagra? 
Part of a balanced diet* 
*Viagra / Poppers / Roofies 
I expect she knows what a soft on is?
Having been to Harlech, another gag from @jimâs epoch:
How do you make a Celtic cross?
Invade his country in the medieval period, build castles and impose taxes.
On a holiday in Malta I knocked a local off his Moped.
Cue âhow do you make a Maltese Crossâ from the rest of the team for the duration.
No injuries thank god.
In the future, when our kids are the parents⌠
âOh my god, these kids are doing my head in. Six weeks is so longâŚâ
Six weeks? SIX WEEKS?? Try six chuffing months! You parents today havenât got a clue what we went through in 2020. Six months of entertaining you little shits, and we couldnât even go any-bloody-where. All we had was Netflix and a colouring book. We had a heatwave, and couldnât do any baking because every chuffer had stolen all the flour. Couldnât make macaroni necklaces, no chuffing pasta. Praying nobody gets sick as we had two toilet rolls to last us til we dared even get in a QUEUE to go to a shop, and ended up using kitchen roll.
We had to stand on spots on the floor and risked being tackled to the ground if we dare walk up an aisle the wrong way in Tesco by JimBob in his visor, who was working there cos heâd lost his job in a pub, which we couldnât go to for a night off cos they were all bloody closed. We only saw people on a Thursday when we stood and clapped for nurses on the street, whilst wondering what would happen to Sharon in the Vic in Eastenders but not knowing becauseâŚthe soap operas all run out! Yep kids thatâs right, no soaps!! Imagine that.
We had to download things called zoom and had to attempt to do meetings in our houses whilst you lot ran around telling everyone you were bored, or hot, or STILL hungry despite the fact weâd made you fourteen breakfasts. We had this fit fella every morning attempting to get you fit on YouTube but that lasted all of two episodes before you put spongebob on. We had to attempt to teach you, yes you! I was expected to print out all these bloody sheets, running out of ink at midnight attempting to print out the monarchy timeline for you to give it four seconds of thought before saying you didnât want to do it and thatâs not how Mrs Jones does it.
We had to give up our phones so you could FaceTime your mates, or download more games, if it gave us five seconds of time to tidy up the kitchen only to turn around and see the living room had now been turned into a ninja warrior assault course. We dug out paddling pools, we got stung by wasps, we redecorated gardens and bedrooms, we hoovered-a lot, we forgot what a bed âtimeâ was, we gave in to technology far too much, we had no money and ordered shit off amazon in the hope it passed an hour for you, we then had a chuffing postal strike as every postman got covid, and waved to other humans through windows on our one hour allowed out every day.
Cash?? Didnât have any, and if we did you couldnât bloody use it as no chuffer accepted it for fear of touching you. Swimming? Nope. Cinema? Nope. Bowling? Nope? McDonaldâs? Nope. Playgrounds? Nope. Taped off like a crime scene. None of that. 6 weeks?? Piece of piss mate.