One for @Jim before he has to start reading all the letters from the little kids and revving up the reindeer…
Fresh from her shower, my wife stands in front of the mirror complaining to me that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it’s ok babe I love your little titties,I uncharacteristically come up with a suggestion.
“If you want your breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few minutes a day…”
She races off to fetch a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?“she asks,
They will grow larger over a period of years,” I say very proudly.
She stopped instantly!!!. “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”
Without missing a beat I say , “Worked for your arse, didn’t it?”
It’s ok I’m still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, over the next few weeks I may even walk again, although I’ll probably continue to take my meals through a straw for a little longer.
As I went in the bank today a woman walked out with two rolled up ten pound notes, one sticking out of each ear, I said to the bank manager who’s that, he said that’s Mrs Walker, she’s twenty pounds in arrears.
The next day she came back wearing army uniform with a bit of pastry crust sticking out of both ears. Bank manager said it’s ok, she’s in the Pioneer Corps.
