Obvious sensible answer is an additional airport, as suggested, somewhere on the A1/M1 corridor and close to train routes. But that would deprive the current piss-cunt thieving bastard operators of the opportunity to just make additional profit out of people without the need to actually improve ‘services’ one iota.
Frankly, after a few goes recently through Stansted, Heathrow and Gatwick, we have both decided that unless it’s long haul (we have no choice) we’re going to drive. The last transit through Stansted was the closest I’ve ever come to Dante’s vision of hell. It is by pure luck that I didn’t actually go for it with an axe, but frankly I wish I had. Utter, utter cuntish mayhem. Arriving at half past midnight is bad enough. Having a one and a half hour queue to get to passport control does not help. Finding that the e-passport crap doesn’t work (like it never, ever bloody does) just added to it. Getting into another one-hour queue for a manned desk was icing on the cake, especially as most people’s e-passports didn’t work and there was one, count 'em, one passport official on duty.
Then the fucking carpark wanted to charge me an additional £147 for the parking I’d pre-paid, but couldn’t even accomplish that, because the system went tits up and all the barriers in and out stopped working. Two in the morning, major loads of cars stuck, and the closest to an all-out riot I have ever seen.
Fuck Stansted, fuck Heathrow, fuck Gatwick. They are all way over capacity already. Adding another runway when it’s obvious the operators won’t do fuck all to ‘service’ passengers is insanity.
Another airport. Problem is, that means investment. And as the cunts in charge can earn billions by sticking people in rat runs and charging them a year’s income to park for three days, that isn’t going to happen.
Having lived there once, I suggest a small tactical nuke would flatten Stevenage. At a relatively low cost, you could then rake over the ashes and trhow down enough tarmac to land a few A320s on.
Setup a couple of tents providing catering, because nothing could be worse than the utter shite available in the alternatives. Charge people a hundred quid to park on the charred remnants of their relatives. Job done.
Frankly, nothing short of evisceration without anaesthetic would equal Luton, Stansted, Heathrow and Gatwick.
Getting the investment would be tough. Getting over the protests would be worse (for the politicians). Hell will freeze over before another substantial airport is developed in the south of England.
The choice is therefore Heathrow, Gatwick, Luton or Stansted. And realistically that means Heathrow or Gatwick. And realistically that means Heathrow. However bad it is, that’s the cold hard fact I’m afraid.
Listen, nipple face. I’m not suggesting Luton. I’m suggesting wiping a reasonably-sized Hertfordsire town off the face of the earth in a cataclysmic nuclear holocaust and replacing it with a few million square metres of tarmac and shopping opportunities.
Eh? A new airport where you suggest would butt up against Luton Airport.
If we could launch aircraft vertically like a rocket - then there would be no need for runways.
Or build a staggered double decker runway.
Or invest in new innovative global infrastructure as an alternative to flying. I foresee a network of supersonic cable cars criss-crossing the globe, transporting people in comfort.
They are spending a fortune on development to make things far better, as well as a monorail to the train station. It will be a much better experience when this is complete.
Actually the journey time from London to Manchester after phase two of HS2 is complete will be 1 hour and 8 minutes. Which isn’t much longer than it take me now to get to Heathrow by road.
I suggest expanding Manchester airport (it already has two full sized runways) and speed up HS2 development…and make the HS2 trains faster to get the journey time down to say 50 minutes…
When I lived in Australia the once every three month trip through Heathrow was invariably a nightmare. I use MCR airport now for all my long haul journeys. It is a bit shite, but it is orders of magnitude less appalling than Heathrow. OK, MCR is full of Mancs which is not good, but Heathrow is chock full of cunts which is far, far worse.
Nuking Stevenage and Luton might be a vote winner though…
Heathrow already has two full sized runways, like Manchester. And it’s a major hub, which is what all the expansion is about, maintaining it’s status as major hub, not just increasing capacity. Otherwise traffic starts to drift to other hub competitors such as Schipol and Charles De Gaulle…